On Bipolar Disorder and Living a Secret Life

I want you to see this raw and honest piece that I know we all can relate to.

In it the author asks, “How do you tell a story that unfolds every day?”

And I want to know. How do you? Really? It is the story of our own personal and collective growing and evolving relationship with this thing we call Bipolar. And what is more how do we explain this story to others? How do we share this story in a world that either doesn’t want to hear it or that wants to write it for us? From the media to the mental health profession. They think they know. They think they know our story. Only we truly know that they do not.

Mental Health Safe Space

By Anonymous

I am not a therapist, a doctor, a shaman, or a cleric. I didn’t earn a doctorate in magic or “find myself” while residing at an Ashram in India. I don’t cast manifestation stones or consult with the stars, and I haven’t rejected razors, given up meat, or purchased a hybrid vehicle. If you’re looking for a sage, I’m not your girl.

I do, however, have a modicum of perspective when it comes to negotiating balance. As a working mother and lovesome wife, I am trying to nurture an identity of my own, and this is as good a time as any to mention that I must attend to those responsibilities while simultaneously struggling with attention deficits and bipolar disorder.

I wish I could say that these particular facets of my life were insignificant, but they are not. Every time I open the medicine cabinet in the morning…

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  1. Rainbows

    I used to think about this all the time, that the patients and families I worked with would completely turn against me if they knew that I was bipolar, even if they thought I was great before they knew. Certainly that happened with some co-workers and supervisors. And at one job I was a contracted employee and my company was asked to remove me from the contract immediately and never let me set foot in their buildings again because they had decided I was on drugs due to extra-pyramidal syndrome. I offered drug tests; they declined. My supervisors explained I was on strong medications but completely able to work and healthy; they didn’t care. Later I learned that in one of the 2 places I was contracted to work owned by that company a director of nursing had heard a bunch of lies my assistant told about why I was off on a 4 week disability leave (I was psychotic, had spent the month in a psych unit (I spent one night in an ER and was starting anti-psychotics, not psychotic, etc) and so from that point whenever something came up that was my decision she’d comment “oh what does she know, she’s crazy?”. It’s easy to see how I wasn’t welcome in those buildings with that reputation and one of the best things that happened to me was interviewing for a job years later and finding that the assistant who had done me so much harm was the assistant where I interviewed. I was able to send in a letter saying that I was unable to work with this woman due to a history of numerous ethical violations on her part (it went far beyond the things about me) and that I was withdrawing my application. With her telling them things I’m sure I’d never have been hired but my chance to revoke my application and mention that her ethics were questionable (which was a fact) was healing.

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  2. bipolarfirst

    Thank you for sharing this! I’m so sorry you went through all of that. I’m glad that you were able to get your voice heard in some way and achieved some peace regarding it. It is so frustrating that when it is our word against their’s they will probably win every time just because of our dx. Because who is going to believe the crazy person over the normal person. It isn’t a fair fight. We are automatically lowered regardless of the rest of the facts. Hugs to you.

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  3. Jessica Solomon

    Hi there! This is Jessica, a.k.a. Anonymous, the author of the article that you so kindly shared on your blog. I am so glad that you have found a way to explore your experiences more deeply as you manage your bipolar disorder. I love to write, and I look forward to reading more of your posts to see what you’re up to. If you care to read my blog, you can find it at http://www.mommypoopsflowers.com.

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    • bipolarfirst

      Hi Jessica. Thanks so much for stopping by. I am so glad you enjoyed this site. Your site is so beautiful. I absolutely love the story behind your the name.

      “Mommy? Have you ever pooped flowers?

      Yep. Each day I transform my shit into a miraculous wonder. So can you.”

      Hell yeah

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  4. Craig Skene

    Im a Nice bloke..20yrs later after jumpin though my hoops and those that hoop for a livimg. Ive accepted a dagnosis. Hard to take but new somethin was coming..look forward too seeing a bridge as crossing not a convienence to fly from… bless ya all

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