(I do not condone angrily ranting at people in anyway. I actually did not think of hostile type raving in anyway when I picked the word up and used it here. I was not intending the word in this way. I was using it to mean when a person speaks (possibly at great length) in an impassioned emotional way. A lot of what I have here called “Bipolar rants” are not angry at all and when they are they are angry at Bipolar. It is a word I’ve seen thrown around in the community which just sort of casually means “I need to ramble on an on at length about raw uncomfortable emotional things that nobody understands.” The readers that I knew of when writing this use the word in this way.)
(Yes this is a rant about ranting)
We are Bipolar and we need to rant like a bird needs to fly, like a dog needs to dig, like rain needs to fall, like trees need to sway in the breeze. Ranting is not a symptom of Bipolar but it is a big part of being Bipolar.
We rant in our own heads all the time and every so once in awhile (or every every once in awhile) we need to explode. Out loud or in writing but definitely TO someone. It has to GO somewhere. We have to release it into the world and have it fall on ears. For some freaking reason we feel like we NEED somebody else to hear this lava of aching swirling crazy verbiage.
It’s not even always about the content. Many times it is. But most of the time it is about the feeling. A feeling so overpowering and awful. It feels like you are alone swirling in blackness in outer space suffocating in your own crazy and the rant is really just some language you throw out like a rope to try to tether yourself to someone so you don’t just float away and fall off the edge of everything. Lonely dark aching racing empty chaos.
I have had the true honor of hearing many Bipolar rants. I think they are beautiful. I see them as a strange form of poetry. Maybe because for a Bipolar a rant is like a window to the soul. Or a window to the pain. The window to the frustration, the anger, the raging helplessness. A window to beautiful brokenness. Very seldom (if ever) in society do we see such pure raw powerful emotion honestly expressed the way it is in a Bipolar rant.
And yet what do we say almost every time we rant? I see it over and over and over and I do it over and over. We always says “Sorry”. We always apologize for the rant. Apologize for not holding back. Apologize for not being normal. Apologize for our suffering. Apologize for giving someone else a view of our crazy. Some people may feel like they have been burdened by a Bipolar rant. Some people may be scared of them. But others may recognize the gift they have been given. Usually other Bipolars get it. Because when we share our rants with each other we affirm and validate each other. We get to feel like we belong, like we aren’t weird, and like maybe it is okay to rant after all. Thanking someone for listening is a lot different than saying sorry that they had to hear it. My hope is that all of us have or find a safe supportive place to rant. Please rant here if you need a place. (Where it says leave a comment it really means leave a rant of course)
We are Bipolar. We have Pdocs, we take meds, we support each other, and we rant. It’s just what we do.
Thanks for listening.