Bipolar and the Right to Rant

(I do not condone angrily ranting at people in anyway. I actually did not think of hostile type raving in anyway when I picked the word up and used it here. I was not intending the word in this way. I was using it to mean when a person speaks (possibly at great length) in an impassioned emotional way. A lot of what I have here called “Bipolar rants” are not angry at all and when they are they are angry at Bipolar. It is a word I’ve seen thrown around in the community which just sort of casually means “I need to ramble on an on at length about raw uncomfortable emotional things that nobody understands.” The readers that I knew of when writing this use the word in this way.)

(Yes this is a rant about ranting)

We are Bipolar and we need to rant like a bird needs to fly, like a dog needs to dig, like rain needs to fall, like trees need to sway in the breeze. Ranting is not a symptom of Bipolar but it is a big part of being Bipolar.

We rant in our own heads all the time and every so once in awhile (or every every once in awhile) we need to explode. Out loud or in writing but definitely TO someone. It has to GO somewhere. We have to release it into the world and have it fall on ears. For some freaking reason we feel like we NEED somebody else to hear this lava of aching swirling crazy verbiage.

It’s not even always about the content. Many times it is. But most of the time it is about the feeling. A feeling so overpowering and awful. It feels like you are alone swirling in blackness in outer space suffocating in your own crazy and the rant is really just some language you throw out like a rope to try to tether yourself to someone so you don’t just float away and fall off the edge of everything. Lonely dark aching racing empty chaos.

I have had the true honor of hearing many Bipolar rants. I think they are beautiful. I see them as a strange form of poetry. Maybe because for a Bipolar a rant is like a window to the soul. Or a window to the pain. The window to the frustration, the anger, the raging helplessness. A window to beautiful brokenness. Very seldom (if ever) in society do we see such pure raw powerful emotion honestly expressed the way it is in a Bipolar rant.

And yet what do we say almost every time we rant? I see it over and over and over and I do it over and over. We always says “Sorry”. We always apologize for the rant. Apologize for not holding back. Apologize for not being normal. Apologize for our suffering. Apologize for giving someone else a view of our crazy. Some people may feel like they have been burdened by a Bipolar rant. Some people may be scared of them. But others may recognize the gift they have been given. Usually other Bipolars get it. Because when we share our rants with each other we affirm and validate each other. We get to feel like we belong, like we aren’t weird, and like maybe it is okay to rant after all. Thanking someone for listening is a lot different than saying sorry that they had to hear it. My hope is that all of us have or find a safe supportive place to rant. Please rant here if you need a place. (Where it says leave a comment it really means leave a rant of course)

We are Bipolar. We have Pdocs, we take meds, we support each other, and we rant. It’s just what we do.

Thanks for listening.

7 comments

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  1. Anonymous

    I sometimes feel ashamed to rant. I tend to keep things inside. I guess this is something we all do from time to time? I need to work on letting things out. I’m very stubborn at times, and fiercely proud. But, how does the saying go; “Pride comes before a fall.

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    • bipolarfirst

      I hope you read the new post about how we don’t respect our own illness! I think it addresses a lot of the shame feelings we feel. It is often embarrassing to rant. Especially when you feel better the next day and are like “well what the hell was that all about?” It can really make you feel crazy. It is especially embarrassing to rant to the nonbipolars. I gave that up cold turkey. But I feel fine ranting to other Bipolars because we all take our turns doing it and we all understand where it is coming from. We also understand that even the worst sounding rant is probably not the end of the world.

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  2. Toodles

    I wrote the comment above but i wasn’t signed in. I had a dreadful evening, on Sunday I think it was. I basically wanted to die. I seriously considered taking all of my meds. I was ok within a few hours and felt very, very ashamed. Not only for ranting, but also for wanting to take my own life. This happened around 6 weeks ago, and I sadly caved in to the darkside. Both times there was alcohol involved and I found myself in a ‘mixed’ state. I was working today and I started to think about everything. I’m starting to question if I will still be here by the end of the year.

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    • thewebweaver8

      It’s so true. I always feel like I’m being repetitive or I’m burdening the people I’m talking to, no matter how many times they tell me “Just get it out, I’m here for you.” Then I apologize for my conceived burdening.

      Holding it all in just seems to make it worse, and getting it out in some form helps quiet the spiralling darkness. Great post, thanks for directing me to it and commenting on my post.

      Like

    • thewebweaver8

      I realize I am but a stranger to you, but I want you to know you are not alone. Sometimes we slip, sometimes we fall. I know the guilt you speak of, though I find my guilt lies in something other than alcohol. Don’t feel guilty, because in the end it will only add to the voices screaming in your mind.

      If you ever need help, or need to reach out, I’m here.

      Like

  3. bipolarfirst

    This is interesting. I do not condone angrily ranting at people in anyway. I actually did not think of ranting as being hostile in anyway when I picked the word up and used it here. I am glad you pointed out to me that in the general population the word “rant” can have very negative connotations.

    I was not intending the word in this way. I was using it to mean when a person speaks (possibly at great length) in an impassioned emotional way. A lot of what I have here called “Bipolar rants” are not angry at all and when they are they are angry at Bipolar. It is a word I’ve seen thrown around in the community which just sort of casually means “I need to ramble on an on at length about raw uncomfortable emotional things that nobody understands.” The readers that I knew of when writing this use the word in this way. Thank you for pointing out that the word is not necessarily accurate for what I am intending.

    Perhaps there is a more accurate word out there…I’ll think about it.

    Like

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