It occurred to me that I might sound angry in some of these posts. I can imagine that most of you would understand that anger but that someone from the outside might remark on it in some way. They might think an angry tone to be undue, unnecessary. Perhaps too extreme. Perhaps they may even think in their head “see those Bipolar people are so unhinged, always over the top.”
But I’m not going to apologize for it.
Why WOULDN’T I be angry?
Sometimes anger is a good motivator. Especially if it is a JUSTIFIED anger.
Perhaps more accurate words would be indignation or outrage.
Because there is no hostility in my anger. It is mostly outrage.
I find it outrageous that there are people trying so hard to get help and the system is working against them.
I find it outrageous that people in crisis are made to wait so long and jump through hoops to get to see a Pdoc.
I find it outrageous that people lose their jobs after going inpatient.
I find it outrageous that people are asked insulting questions in order to qualify for disability.
I find it outrageous that we are always portrayed in the media as violent, irresponsible, sex fiends.
I find it outrageous that so many Pdocs and therapists are damaging not helpful.
I find it outrageous that we live in hiding.
I find it outrageous that many of us lose friends when we come out.
It is outrageous that many of us could lose our jobs if we come out.
It is outrageous that people may judge us for having children if we come out.
I am angry when I hear the suffering and struggling and pain of people
People who are compassionate, insightful, caring, loving, good people.
We who work so hard to manage our illnesses through jobs and relationships and parenting and discrimination.
We who make the hard decision every day to take medication that while it may help us with some areas of our lives it can also wreak havoc on our bodies.
We who endure endless medication guess and checks and all of the side effects and dangers that come with it.
We who are judged for resisting or hesitating or being afraid of taking medication by people who have never had to put this shit into their own bodies.
We who are constantly apologizing for our illness.
We who spend our lives picking up pieces, patching up, relearning how to live life, saying good bye to old selves both good and bad….
We who don’t LOSE our true selves over and over but have our true selves TAKEN from us over and over
We who have no choice but to fight everyday
We whose only two choices are the frying pan or the fire.
We who politely let other people advise us on how we should try harder and better…
We who are not respected.
We who endure and endure and endure in silence and in hiding often with no real recognition or acknowledgement even from our doctors.
And we know that this is a forever thing.
That makes me kinda angry
But then again I’m Bipolar so I’m probably over reacting…..
Why on earth should anyone be angry about all of that?