It’s got to be around here somewhere…….
All of Bipolar is hard to grab out of the swirling air and pin down on a concrete understanding pad but perhaps none more so than the famous….
That hard to spot celebrity of Bipolar
Many of us spend a lot of time wondering where this thing is or where it has gone or whether or not we have it or had it or lost it or found it or will have it again. We may think we have it and then a week later say “nope nope I don’t think that was it after all”. Or “looking back I’m wondering if that was my baseline.”
And how many times do we hear/think this..
“I think this is my baseline. Just mildly depressed and numb.”
“I think maybe my baseline is just a little bit all over the place.”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever been baseline.”
“I think my baseline just sucks.”
etc etc etc
and then my little silly serious joke…
“I’m baseline with mixed features”
I’m not saying baseline doesn’t happen. There are probably lucky Bipolars out there who can confidently declare that they have been baseline for long periods of time. But it seems like for most of us identifying baseline is a bit like catching fireflies. We see it, we try to grab it to get a better understanding of it but it is gone too fast.
Elusive, slippery, subjective.
Maybe part of the problem is that it is supposed to be a line. And the idea of anything being straight, followable, linear about Bipolar is laughable.
Maybe if we called it Basescribble. Maybe that would make us more confident and comfortable.
Hey is this your baseline?
uh uh um yeah sure….i thiiiiink so…
Are you sure about that?
How about if you turn out to be wrong I will take all of your money and everything you own.
No no no!!! I don’t really know if this is my baseline! Don’t take my stuff!”
Hey is this your basescribble?
Yeah I feel pretty base but ya know all scribbly.
There are other words we use for this state too. But it really is hard to find one that actually means this thing that we want it to mean.
Stable, normal, well, balanced. It is a personal choice really. If you have found one that works for you and whatever this state that is something like well and normal and balanced than that is awesome.
But for other of us we might now be like….
I think this is my basescribble but maybe that was my basescribble….
Has anyone seen my basescribble?!