******Trigs…yep talking suicide again. I know AGAIN. if you want something lighter click something else on the side. off you go. have fun.*****
Okay so what IF the bad outweighs the good?
what if Bipolar is telling you that the bad outweighs the good?
What if that is how you feel right now and you just don’t care what I say?
I’m going to say shit anyway.
The world is full of bad, hate, dark.
So is Bipolar
But it actually isn’t ALL like that
stay with me
the thing is that the good is more powerful than the bad…even if there is more bad
every moment of good
If the good was not more powerful than the bad then the whole world would be jumping off of bridges.
but they’re not
because the good is SO FUCKING GOOD
you don’t feel that right now but THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU ARE RIGHT. It means that you are experiencing a Bipolar CRAPFEST right now
People who have lived through and seen horrendous soul deadening shit still stick around.
Because there is still fun to be had, people to love, cool shit to watch on tv, people to help…..
And it IS worth it
SO FUCKING WORTH IT
And guess what?
Tons of Bipolars have hit the bottom, again and again, and yet
Like a misguided tattoo you almost got when you were drunk one night
we look back and say
oh thank god
One great rule for Bipolar (HA I said rule!)…
is DON’T MAKE BIG DECISIONS IN AN EPISODE!
and um ending your life counts as a big decision
it is like drunk driving…you just ARE NOT in a place where you can safely do it
even if it seems rational or necessary
Look at the people I have mentioned on this blog, Therese Borchard and Melody Moezzi, and then others I have plans to mention….Kay Jamison, Patty Duke, Liz Spikol, Natasha Tracy, Carrie Fisher….every single one of them tried or seriously considered throwing the fucking towel ALL the way in….
Tons of us have beat it over and over and are glad we did and enjoy life.
Look at Jim’s comment on Bipolar is and Episodic illness…
He says that he “ENJOYS” life
You know what
I do too
and I wish we could take a poll or something so everyone who is standing on the edge could see that….
there are so many of us
And How About This?
People love to throw around the scary high percentage of Bipolars who attempt and succeed at ending their lives.
But LOOK AT THIS SHIT!
THE MAJORITY OF US DO NOT
If so many of us do??
Why should you be any different?
Do you think that your Bipolar is somehow worse than everybody else’s?
If you think you are different it is because Bipolar is telling you that.
The time right after dx is an ugly one.
This is NOT THE TIME to be futurizing and awfulizing about you future with Bipolar.
This is not the time to generalize your current experience to your entire life.
So tell Bipolar to SHUT THE FUCK UP
and HOLD ON
We tend to THINK so much when we are in these things. We just keep THINKING. Whether we are trying to convince ourselves its not so bad or we are telling ourselves it is so bad or we are just listening to the crap Bipolar is saying.
Easier said than done I know but stop thinking, or stop listening. or recognize it all for the shit that it is and just keep reminding yourself.
Listen to the same song over and over
play video games
watch inane TV
eat all the snickers in the whole wide world
and limit as many decisions as you can and or streamline them as much as possible
even shit like what to eat and “where is an unwrinkled shirt? I have no shirt!” can send us spiraling in that bad bad place.
and oh for the love of God stop analyzing the things other people do and say to see whether or not they really care about you
Just pull it all in
But what was the point of this?
The bad is bad.
The bad is horrible
the bad is unbearable
But the good is
And you never know…
what life holds…that will be good.
I don’t know where you are
you may be somewhere
or with someone
or doing something
and you will think
that I did’t do that.
If you read all of that and you’re still like
whatever fuck this shit
then consider this
if you kill yourself you totally fuck up your karmic lifeline and reincarnate into lesser lives and broken mind bodies.
Now that doesn’t sound like a real escape from pain now does it?
You wanna go for even more rounds of this shitstorm?
I’m not saying I believe that shit but I thought it might scare some of you straight.
Now if you’re manic you definitely might believe that……