Bipolar Destroys You….Fight Anyway

I believe awareness is the major key in battling Bipolar disorder.

I put these ideas out there because I believe in informed consent.  I believe in information.  I believe in intuition and knowledge as a path to self transformation. And saving yourself.

And I believe that those of us who suffer from Bipolar should

KNOW

and should

UNDERSTAND

what and how and why

this Bipolar makes us feel the way that we do.

Not just flail around in the waves allowing ourselves to be knocked about with no clue how the ocean works.

But learn about it and figure out how to handle it.

It is such a shame to spend a lot of your life disempowered by your own Bipolar, by your own brain.

Bipolar will still mess with our brains and try to destroy our souls…

That is what it does…

That is why it is actually NOT like the other physical illnesses.

It doesn’t target an organ that allows you to retain the essence of who you are as a human.

Bipolar targets our brain…

the organ that tells us who we are.

.

But we can be AWARE and we can try to UNDERSTAND

and those things help us to FIGHT

I always say we are shining a light on these things about Bipolar…these things about Bipolar that try to destroy us…

and in doing so we take some power back.

Bipolar sits in the passenger seat as we drive along…we can’t always stop it from grabbing the wheel.

We can’t always stop it from sending us hurtling into trees on the side of the road…

But we can watch it doing so and we can hold on…

and we can hold tight to that little protective safe we have cocooned….. our “me” ..our “I”.  our “soul”.

That very core of us that is unbreakable.  That is made of truth.

And we can say…”go ahead…crash my car…you can’t get me….and this is MY car and I will drive it again.”

.

.

I think that thought.  I like that thought. I believe that thought.

I like the idea of the unbreakable core…

but I know what some of you are thinking

and I am thinking it too.

I’m not a cheery idiot.

I am Bipolar remember and I’m never going to make shit up and LIE to you to make you feel better.

You get enough of that

and we all know it makes you feel worse….

.

So yeah.  People just LOVE to say this stuff about reaching down and finding your true self…

holding onto to your true self…

That Bipolar can’t actually take you from you.

.

But I know guys.

I get it.

IT CAN

.

At least it completely and totally feels like it.

.

And that is what nonBipolars will never understand….

That there are some dark places in Bipolar where you really don’t have yourself…

When you are gone.

.

.

How does a person reach down and find that little core of themselves….that person to fight for…

that soul….

when it is gone?

How do you summon strength to save yourself

When you have no self?

.

.

Because there is a strength in your being that exists independent of everything else.

We may become detached from the true essence of who we are…but it does not actually leave us.

Because somehow, in some way we keep going.

This is why I say our strength is beyond strength

This what nobody understands

This is why we are truly a special group of people

This is why we should be honored, respected, perhaps even asked for our wisdom about things.

.

We repeatedly save ourselves…even when we have lost ourselves…

and then we dig ourselves out of the rubble of Bipolar’s destruction

over and over again.

.

.

.

this is what alienates us from nonBipolars…this is what causes us to withdraw from others…this is what we desperately wish our loved ones would know….could see…

.

Once again, I am not saying this to depress you.  I am saying this to empower you.  I am saying this so you can think about it…

because by thinking about it and being aware and shining the light…

you ARE taking some power back.

.

I know that it FEELS like Bipolar steals you from yourself.

.

.

.

but it actually cannot

.

.

You can fight for yourself even when yourself is gone….

that is Bipolar

I don’t know that other humans have this ability….

but we most certainly do.

.

.

Bipolar wants to destroy you….

it might feel like it is succeeding.

You might feel like you don’t care anymore if it does………….

.

I’m calling you out on that thought

I know what you’re thinking

I’m shining a light on it.

You can’t hide it.

.

It doesn’t matter what Bipolar has done to you.

You fight anyway

You have no choice

You fight anyway

.

That is your new mantra

“I fight anyway”

or if you need solidarity

“We fight anyway”

or if you enjoy talking to your self

“You fight anyway”

.

So when you start to think….

“I can’t do this anymore…”

fight anyway

“Nobody cares about me. I’m such a burden”

fight ANYWAY

“I am such a loser and I don’t deserve to live”

FIGHT ANYWAY

“I am a shell of a person”

FIGHT ANYWAY

“Everything is meaningless”

FIGHT ANYWAY

“I just want to be dead…”

FIGHT ANYWAY

.

.

Take your attention out of the rumination and the thought struggles and the obsessing and the spiraling guilt battles and the catastrophic obsessive rumination about it…

as if there is some CHOICE to be made.

.

See…I know what you’re thinking there…I know it…you can’t hide it from me….

I’m not your therapist…I’m not your mom…I’m not your husband….

.

There is no choice to be made.  So stop that shit right now.

and fight

whatever cruel and unbearable Bipolar shit storm you are weathering…..

I don’t care what it is….how bad it is

fight anyway

.

period

end of story

moving on now.

(turns out I can’t keep my mouth shut 🙂  )

Peace and Love

7 comments

Add Yours
  1. Sandra

    I think you hit the head of pretty much every bipolar nail out there. I can’t relate to those who say, “I am not defined by my disorder.” I am totally defined by it. Whether I face a crowd, or an activity, or Lord help me, my mother; whatever I am doing, I need to be able to assess my emotional status. And it may not be so great, and if it’s not, and I need to fight, I need the concentration to do so. And sometimes people who think they are supportive and try to be supportive, really aren’t. This post is outstanding, and I feel like you plucked the sentiments from my very soul.

    Like

    • bipolarfirst

      jaw on floor. Speechless.

      because

      1. I do not know how to respond to those beautiful things that you said about my posts.

      and

      2. Because this comment is written exquisitely and I feel Exactly the same way.

      So well said. Thank you so much.

      Like

  2. AndrewS

    It is a fight. Sometimes I do, upon an evening, need a benzo to calm those fighting muscles, but for a good cause. So I can freaking sleep and wake up and renew the struggle. And who knows, maybe get a few deep belly laughs in.

    Like

    • bipolarfirst

      There is no weakness in popping your benzos sometimes. I think it is brave to take these things knowing that they are actually not good for us in ways in the name of fighting for our stability and wellbeing. Maintaining balance is way more important than stoically avoiding meds.

      Plus sometimes a little in the beginning saves you from the need for greater interventions down the road.

      That just my opinion. This is my blog. It is full of them 😉

      Laughter is the best medicine……. after mood stabilizers. hhehehehehehe

      Liked by 1 person

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