ooooooooooooooooo White Mania………………………………
(I’m not trying to glorify mania….
I’m trying not to lie about it.)
Has anybody studied acting?
Do you know about Sense Memories then?
If you don’t know what I am talking about…..
Sense memories are a technique used by Method actors where they use certain sensory stimuli to evoke emotional memories…..
So you know the smell of a certain soap reminds you of a certain person and evokes those feelings so I guess you smell that soap before your scene….
I’m not an expert.
But I think of this idea often.
And I just wondered if it happens to you guys.
The candle you burned when you were manic….or the shampoo you used when you were depressed….
The music you listened to when you were too low to think about.
And how these things can evoke these feelings in us ….
And how stability doesn’t take these memories away.
We always live a step or two away from them.
The other day I was driving home in my car….the same drive I drove while fantastically White Manic….a mellow kind of beautiful manic…though with that twist of angst which is never far from the Bipolar mind…..
and the same song came on that came on back then……
a song that spoke to the manic me…volumes….clearly…..
everything painfully beautiful.
and I looked at the clouds waiting for the magic….
and the cars…..waiting for the magic….
I waited for my heart to bubble and feel like bursting…..
at the miraculous adorable beauty of the world……..
and you know what….
those things didn’t happen.
I remembered them.
And in the remembering I felt that magic.
And I wouldn’t trade it.
Because I have seen and felt the world in ways that others have not.
And Just because I am not manic does not mean I deny the magic.
just because I don’t want to be Manic ever again does not mean that I don’t appreciate it’s beauty.
I am thankful for its presence in my life.
I just said that.
This song sounds like White Mania to me…….
“When you’re happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in”
And then add a twist of some amazingly clear blue depression…….
“got no reason, got no shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don’t let me disappear
I’m a tell you everything”