We can’t Fight Stigma with our Heads Up Our Bipolar

Has anybody ever noticed how we can get like real worked up about figuring out where we are in our Bipolar….

or what our Bipolar is up to in the moment….

Am I rapid cycling

or

having a mixed episode

am I agitated depressed

or

dysphoric manic

etc etc etc

we can go on and on

.

I am sure it can be helpful to some.

and helpful is hard to come by in this “illness” so hang on to that.

But to others

it just seems to breed more anxiety and confusion and stress

.

So why do we care so much EXactly what is going on with our Bipolar at any given time?

Does it make us feel like we have more control?

Does it help us to feel like we know what to do about it?

Do the Pdocs make us feel like it is important to “solve” this?

I don’t know

.

I used to do that.  I used to care very much.

It didn’t work for me.

It was distracting and preoccupying

and for me…

unnecessary and detrimental.

Although it can be a necessary part of the journey.

I believe that.

.

But now.  I’m burnt out and exhausted by it and just so totally over it.

and I really couldn’t care less.

I have one word I use to cover all of it.

Whether I feel sensitive and off

or low

or high

or fearful anxious blah

or no energy no motivation

or jangly

or full of broken glass brain

or whatever

whatever

whatever

I call it….

da da da!
.

Bipolar

.

The one word that is always accurate!

.

I’m exaggerating a touch for the point.  I mean obviously I say hypo and depressed and all crap like that.

But I think you get my point.

So this is why I write all of the rule breaking posts…

click on the Bipolar Rules and Words category.

There’s a ton of shit in there.

.

Because while some of us may like the analyzing and extrapolating….

others of us may welcome the relief of jumping off of that particular carousel.

.

If I’ve said it once…I have said it three thousand times….

it is OUR Bipolar NOT theirs

.

I just find it helpful to stop the analyzing of…

am i depressed…..am i manic…….oh I feel good today is the depression over….oh I feel like crap again….is this rapid cycling…is this ultramumbojumbo cycling…am i mixed…wait I feel happy….oh god am I hypo…shit am I getting manic…oh phew I feel depressed again….oh wow I feel better this morning…is this normal again….is this my baseline…oh dear I feel so stressed out oh shit is it starting again……

.

you guys

How are we supposed to fight stigma and discrimination if we are always preoccupied with trying to name our state?

.

(and YES discrimination TOO. Don’t get me started on that…actually click here and get me started…)

That is why for me I much prefer to say…

shit man I just feel so Bipolar

Always Bipolar….

I could be like well i’ve been in a flare up for a couple of weeks but the past couple of days I haven’t even thought about my benzo. Cool

or wahoo I’m am loooooopy right now I’ll prob be fine tomorrow.

.

Because it is such bullshit that Bipolar is an “Episodic Illness”

please read Bipolar is an Episodic Illness my ass because I am not going to elaborate here

.

Bipolar is not an episodic Illness.

It is an ALL the time Brain Disorder

.

.

14 comments

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  1. morgueticiaatoms

    I am one who needs the constant analysis of my mental states. Doctors cannot help if all you give is “I feel bipolar.”

    Tracking episodes even if the disorder is a constant helps me recognize triggers, pattern behaviors, and it liberates me to say, “I’m not really a misanthropic bitchbeast today, I am in a hypo agitated state.”

    To each their own but as you said, arguments can be made both ways. We each have to choose what works best for us as individuals.

    Like

    • bipolarfirst

      This isn’t actually that different from what I am saying…..

      helpful awareness…..awesome and necessary

      stressful obsessing…..trying to “fit” yourself into a societal construct when you are more complicated than the sum of your parts…..unhelpful and damaging

      main point being

      liberate yourself from what holds you back from wellness……..

      Liked by 1 person

  2. SassaFrassTheFeisty

    You always have the best stuff to say. I may have to loop off of your “episodic illness” post and link it in mine-would that be cool?
    What about: I’m not bipolar, I don’t have bipolar, bipolar has me? Think about that. Yeah, Sass is getting deep. Little bit of clarity before crawling back in my hole for a bit.

    Like

  3. lolabipola

    Yes! I’ve been trying to just go with the flow – trying not to analyse my every ‘mood’ – its distracting, as you say, and then I get no work done! Easier said than done, but I’m a newby at being diagnosed, so I’ll try to cut myself a bit of slack.

    Like

    • bipolarfirst

      Yeah I’m not trying to push the other way and make people feel bad for wanting to analyze their moods. Nope nope nope. It is supposed to be just an encouragement to embrace your own individual Bipolar and learn your own individual Bipolar and not worry so much about fitting into the exact terminology and rules of everything.

      Liked by 1 person

      • lolabipola

        Precisely! I don’t think I’ve ever met a textbook bipolarite 😉 It is what it is for you as an individual. We are all unique, and we all experience our lives in our own way, so too with our symptoms/lack of symptoms. I loved the title of your post too! “We can’t fight stigma with our heads up our bipolar”! Love it!

        Like

  4. Tessa

    My therapist started me journaling 2 weeks ago and sort of mood charting. first time for me. My journal is mostly my blog, but I can’t go into everything in there although I do share a lot, there are some things that just can’t go in there. The journaling is helping. I pay attention more to how I feel instead of saying I am just feeling shitty, plus now we can figure out what to talk about next session.

    Like

    • bipolarfirst

      That sounds great. I think mood charting and journaling are fantastic tools. It is interesting to feel like you were so depressed for so long last Spring or something and then when you look back the charts it was like only 11 days….

      and writing down feelings helps so much to identify feeling and patterns and symptoms of our own version of Bipolar.

      It is also so great to journal when well because then you have that documentation of life in the balance…..

      Thank you for commenting and sharing here. I appreciate it so much.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Tessa

        Thank you and you are welcome. I am doing my best to be a help to others. and the journaling helped me figure out something that just came to mind from my childhood and I talked it out as if I was talking to her as I wrote it and what she might say. She was so excited and she can’t wait to read it and then make notes to talk about next session which is a great idea.

        Like

  5. carly456

    Oh man yes. We gotta get off that carousel sometimes. I mean can’t I just have a cheerfulish day and not over analyze it? Or like hit my snooze all morning and not think I’m spiraling? Maybe sometimes no but sometimes yes!

    Like

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