Has anybody ever noticed how we can get like real worked up about figuring out where we are in our Bipolar….
or what our Bipolar is up to in the moment….
Am I rapid cycling
having a mixed episode
am I agitated depressed
etc etc etc
we can go on and on
I am sure it can be helpful to some.
and helpful is hard to come by in this “illness” so hang on to that.
But to others
it just seems to breed more anxiety and confusion and stress
So why do we care so much EXactly what is going on with our Bipolar at any given time?
Does it make us feel like we have more control?
Does it help us to feel like we know what to do about it?
Do the Pdocs make us feel like it is important to “solve” this?
I don’t know
I used to do that. I used to care very much.
It didn’t work for me.
It was distracting and preoccupying
and for me…
unnecessary and detrimental.
Although it can be a necessary part of the journey.
I believe that.
But now. I’m burnt out and exhausted by it and just so totally over it.
and I really couldn’t care less.
I have one word I use to cover all of it.
Whether I feel sensitive and off
or fearful anxious blah
or no energy no motivation
or full of broken glass brain
I call it….
da da da!
The one word that is always accurate!
I’m exaggerating a touch for the point. I mean obviously I say hypo and depressed and all crap like that.
But I think you get my point.
So this is why I write all of the rule breaking posts…
click on the Bipolar Rules and Words category.
There’s a ton of shit in there.
Because while some of us may like the analyzing and extrapolating….
others of us may welcome the relief of jumping off of that particular carousel.
If I’ve said it once…I have said it three thousand times….
it is OUR Bipolar NOT theirs
I just find it helpful to stop the analyzing of…
am i depressed…..am i manic…….oh I feel good today is the depression over….oh I feel like crap again….is this rapid cycling…is this ultramumbojumbo cycling…am i mixed…wait I feel happy….oh god am I hypo…shit am I getting manic…oh phew I feel depressed again….oh wow I feel better this morning…is this normal again….is this my baseline…oh dear I feel so stressed out oh shit is it starting again……
How are we supposed to fight stigma and discrimination if we are always preoccupied with trying to name our state?
(and YES discrimination TOO. Don’t get me started on that…actually click here and get me started…)
That is why for me I much prefer to say…
shit man I just feel so Bipolar
I could be like well i’ve been in a flare up for a couple of weeks but the past couple of days I haven’t even thought about my benzo. Cool
or wahoo I’m am loooooopy right now I’ll prob be fine tomorrow.
Because it is such bullshit that Bipolar is an “Episodic Illness”
please read Bipolar is an Episodic Illness my ass because I am not going to elaborate here
Bipolar is not an episodic Illness.
It is an ALL the time Brain Disorder