My Bipolar…Myself….for Better and for worse

Coming back to the interesting question of whether or not you would cure your Bipolar if you could…..

I explained what I mean by cure in the linked piece above because it is a complex idea with different meanings….

It is a strange question to ask since most of us

have

always

been

Bipolar

.

In one way or another……

I guess

.

Or perhaps we have forgotten the time before Bipolar began

Maybe we have a definitive line….like postpartum….

Perhaps we look back and can’t tell exactly when it began…..

IF it “began”

or if it

slowly awakened

but regardless many of us feel that we have lived with it forever……

or at least long enough

.

We don’t really have any idea what it is like NOT to be Bipolar…

what we call

normal

stable

balanced

baseline

good

Is still the

normal

stable

balanced

baseline

good

of a BIPOLAR person

.

And amongst ourselves….none of us actually know.

and our normie friends can’t know how to tell us what may be different.

How do you describe what Red looks like to someone who can’t see?

.

This may sounds extreme and imperfect but it is the analogy that has come to my mind….

It almost feels to me the same as if someone asked me if I would like to be cured of being a woman since being a woman can be so damned difficult….

and in being cured of being a woman…i would be turned into a man of course.

I would be like

whoa um NO

I don’t know what that would be like!
I’ve been female my whole life.

How do I know how much would change?

What would I be losing from my internal self?

.

How much of me is me because I am a woman?

.

How much of me is me because I am Bipolar?

What is Bipolar and What is Me?

.

and

This is all I have ever known………………

.

We don’t like to lose our knowns

.

And after doing some genetic testing on the brain I have realized that there are a lot of things that we consider to be “our personality” that are the result of brain structures and chemicals.

And that is beyond Bipolar

that applies to normies as well

.

The world has a lot to learn about the brain.

So once again I am going to speak from my mountaintop of stability (That sounds kind of high and manic)….okay

from my forest clearing of stability….

and say

I would want to stay Bipolar

I am and have Bipolar (yeah both)

for better

for worse

in sickness

and in health

in mania

and depression

as long

as I

shall live

identity