We are Obsessed with Bipolar because this is a Civil Rights movement


we get so tired of Bipolar

living it

thinking about it

figuring it all out

tired of our pain

we may even get fatigued of each other’s pain

the stories

the sadness

the hearts broken

by brokenness.

The feeling of helplessness

overwhelmed by what we are up against


and individually


We don’t want to think about Bipolar all the time

but we don’t really have a choice

Bipolar is in us all of the time

we live it

and feel it

sure there are hours….days….weeks….years?

where it is simmering quietly on the back burner

politely letting us experience life without it

in a way

and it may even lure us into feeling sometimes

like it’s not really that bad

but the memories

can hold their trauma


To outsiders

we may look obsessed


and reading

and tweeting and


about it all of the time

but we can’t get away from it



I believe we are at the very beginning of a

civil rights movement

do I seem cynical saying that?

that is it the very beginning?

I just think that when our main focus is


and trying to get people to just

believe we aren’t scary attention seeking choosing to suffer monsters…


that we suffer from


Brain Disorders….

that just seems very “early stages” to me

there are numerous people and organizations dedicated to

fighting stigma

that is the language used

and people are sharing their stories

their trauma

their truth

in a way that is necessary for us to come together

realize we’re not alone

and get empowered


and it is all of these amazing people that give me

that controversial

Bipolar Pride


many different stigma fighting groups…

but someday we are going to have to become



so yeah

we don’t really have a choice

if we want change….

real change

even if we don’t ever see it….

we fight for our children

and grandchildren

that if they suffer from these brain disorders

that they can live in

a kinder

more compassionate


and in turn

suffer less


But first

for now

our biggest obstacle

and our biggest goal

and first priority

is ending the stigma we

put on ourselves

and each other

within the community


So let’s do it

let’s be obsessed with Bipolar

and with our brothers and sisters with other “mental illnesses”

and let’s make it better

in the way that we can



Add Yours
  1. AndrewS

    Great post. Capers needs a bullhorn and a thronged public square: be the voice that launches a thousand ships! You’ve got the passion and intensity and intelligence and someone dagnabbit has to be proud of us 🐬🐬 My only quarrel is “Brain Disorder”. Semantics matter. I know I’m the minority on this, but my historical perspective is really quite vast and solidly rooted, and to imply that the brains of non-bipolar people have not profoundly deviated from the natural sanity of H. Sapiens is simply factually incorrect. In other words, we are all “mentally disordered” by any objective measure. That’s what happens when you accidentally, incrementally take leave from 7 million years of organic evolutionary process. So I prefer “condition”, or “difference”. And frankly, if this is going to become a civil rights issue, and I believe it is — I am with you 100% — I’m not sure “disorder” is terribly helpful. When gay people or people with minority skin colors fight their battles, their battle cry is equal but different: and never “different” in such a way that their common humanity is questioned; their intent, obviously, is quite the contrary. People have “back conditions” and “shoulder conditions” that let them seek disability relief etc. Why not the same for the brain, which is merely another limb of the body? My two cents. Certainly we won’t resolve this blogging, but hope it’s okay to throw out as “food for thought.” I loved the post and your fighting spirit. Lead the way. The struggle goes on. Our tribe desperately needs more resources, better medical/therapeutic care, hope, understanding, compassion.

    Liked by 2 people

    • bipolarfirst

      I agree with everything you said. Really. I do.

      I have the same problem with the word disorder….

      and I was going to include what you said about other civil rights movements…

      but held back….

      because I didn’t want to get too political…

      and because here is my deal with “disorder”

      I feel like that word and concept is really all the masses are ready for….

      but i didn’t want to sound too…um…yeah….

      I think that the world is SO far behind and SO inaccurate in their view of us that we need to take baby steps…

      right now they think these “differences” and our suffering isn’t EVEN REAL

      I think our best public statement at this point is trying to at least equate us to other physical disorders….

      I think if we start right into wanting them to see what you are talking about and which I believe in as well…

      they have no ability to receive that in anyway shape or form.

      and so I use that blah little term….disorder…..

      I think we have a shot with condition….

      I just don’t know that it is as strong

      but I thoroughly understand your point.

      I think the brutal truth is that we are not like other civil rights movement groups and we are not like the physical disorders and illnesses.

      We are something different

      and the world has no idea what to do with us

      As I have said I don’t truly believe that my brain is disordered.

      I believe that there is something about my brain that creates problems sometimes…perhaps as a result of what you are always saying…
      Again, like my Admitting the Disbility post…

      there is the outer realm and the inner realm…..

      I could probably go on and on about this…I should make this another post

      Liked by 2 people

      • AndrewS

        Appreciate the reply, Capers. I am aware of your ambivalence on the semantics:) You tend to flip flop between conceding “their” language and striking out brilliantly on your own with a stellar phrase like “we have different brains that sometimes disorder us.” This is a lot to ponder, and I’m too lazy and other-focused today, so just two points in response. First, if it IS a civil rights issue, then it does and should and will have commonalities with other civil rights movements; and I think that should be embraced as both effective strategy and necessary recognition of common humanity. The more vexing and pressing issue is, you’re right — “They” don’t believe it is even real, so if the psychiatric community insists on using phrases like “mental illness” and “brain disorder”, then we should, too, because it gives us a patina or veneer of authenticity. I guess my fear is it’s hard to fight stigma when we’re essentially embracing terms that are not only imposed from without, by non-tribal members, but are themselves dripping with stigmata. At the same time, you’re entirely correct that raising public awareness to any degree of sophistication is a probably hopeless task; and so if we are seeking immediate emergency care for all the millions of uncared-for sufferers; then embracing terms like “illness” and “disorder” may be a quicker ticket to public and governmental acknowledgment of serious issues like workplace disability etc etc. Idk. It’s all so tricky. I just don’t like that “they” control the language: indeed have already laid down the law, so to speak. In the meantime I can dream of this sort of conversation between friends: “Yeah, bro, I can’t right work right now, I’m on disability.” “Oh, what happened?” “I have a brain condition. Bipolar.” “Oh I heard of that. I’m sorry, bro.” Idk. End of the day, semantics takes a beat seat to getting people help. Since you think about this more than me, I’m happy to concede a pragmatic politics if that’s what it takes.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bipolarfirst

        I’m fogged too right now and of course have tons more to say but will just go with this for now…

        in the community absolutely…the language needs to change….

        when dealing with ignorant normies maybe we do need to take a “most bang for your buck” approach…as in using terms like brain disorder…

        because getting away from “mentally ill” would be a step

        and as you said maybe help more people faster…

        but I agree that the term still is detrimental….to us

        perhaps two parallel movements……within without….

        one for the Bipolars bleeding insecurity and brokenness and needing language to help them….

        and one for the ignorant normies who are unkind and unfair and uninformed…..

        so can I do my paradox thing again and say I think we need both even if it is impossible and makes no sense…

        but I honestly am just throwing thoughts around right now i could change my mind….

        I DO flip flop and it is because….different moments feel different to me…just depending who i see….i’m being vague and deep…

        like i said lots more to think about and say

        As for the thing about us being different or the same as other civil rights movements…I have a lot more to say on this subject but just um i don’t know..it doesn’t feel right yet to put it out there….

        Once again..I loved this comment. You bring so much to my blog.

        again i could probable ramble slightly incoherently for awhile

        Liked by 1 person

      • bipolarfirst

        And the language is just sometimes an inconvenience on the way to trying to make a point…. on my language page to say that I don’t like these words but it is hard to write about this stuff without using them.

        And everyone has different relationships to their bipolar and there even may be some normies (I hate that word but I keep using it!) in here reading too.
        And I guess I just hope that everyone can take away what they need from those words depending…

        Like if I started using your lovely word plague some people would be like wtf?

        Plus honestly some times I just really need to get something out and it takes a lot of energy to find alternatives and put quotation marks on everything and many times I am literally like standing in the laundry room typing it out because I’m afraid to lose the thoughts.

        So yeah there are different flavors on here like in episodic illness I emphatically say it is a brain disorder while in what is me and what is Bipolar and In the ones about a cure….and disordered or differently ordered…I don’t use that…

        It depends like I said…

        I am comfortable holding multiple contradictory concepts. Shrug

        I appreciate that you make me think these things.ha

        Liked by 2 people

      • AndrewS

        Well, you know what Mr. F Scott Fitzgerald said: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.” S’all good! We on the same page, Capers. You work out the tango fox-trot with all these paradoxes, and I shall cheer and rally from the sidelines:)


      • AndrewS

        Well, your blog is your bullhorn! Who knows where it will lead? Maybe what started with “I’m just a girl with bipolar who has a lot to say” will become… … … … … … … … … πŸ™‚ It’s happened before. How does any good cause begin? “I’m a human being and fuck this fucked-up shit, it needs to change.”


  2. dyane

    Dang, if you got Andrew S.’s endorsement, you don’t need nothin’ else, girl. The dude is brilliant! So I’m gonna be lazy-but-sincere, and write that I second everything you wrote. I’m super-sick of bipolar and that feeling comes and goes, you know? But I must stick with getting the word out about my particular ice cream flavor of the shit, because I don’t want another mom to feel as isolated, dismissed and ignored by both the bipolar and the postpartum “advocacy” communities. Of course they don’t hesitate when I send them my meager donations. Fuckers.


    • bipolarfirst

      I KnnnnnnoW! Don’t you love his comments? And his blog. Word master.

      Fist bump girl friend! yeah we get each other.

      You know I am a big fan of what you are doing for moms out there.

      Everybody needs a voice and some of us are in a position to get up and say shit and some of us are not for whatever reason…suffering top much etc.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. lolabipola

    brain in fog. but yes, get that civil rights movement on the go. stigma sucks. bipolar sucks. i prefer “mental distress” to disorder – semantics do matter. and “they”, with their beige brains that don’t understand our kaleidoscope brains, can fuck right off.

    Going back to bed.


    • bipolarfirst

      Oh Lola my dearest how much do I love your beige brain kaleidoscope brain thing. I don’t want normies to feel like we are putting them down but I don’t think that that is…it is a good descriptor. They also need to be aware how messed up things actually are for us. I’m going to post more about this. I just read a terrifying article about the abuse someone occurred in the hospital. Atrocious.

      Liked by 1 person

      • lolabipola

        Oops… Just re-read my comment – the “they” I was referring to were not the normies – “they” are the patriarchal hegemony who impose all this structural violence on us – the systems in ‘power’ who help to perpetuate the stigma and stereotyping of mental distress and kaleidoscope brains. The normies have no idea that what they don’t know is because they’ve been fed misinformation to keep them oppressed. Its a fucked up world we live in Capers. Fucked. Up. And yet, it can be so very beautiful πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

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