Missing Mania isn’t A Crime…Let’s go crazy


Let’s paint the town Red……Manic



at least I make myself laugh

I just also realized that that would only be funny if you had read my mania colors piece.


Jess and Sandra and I want to be red manic and go out! (this is pretend you guys)

You are invited too but you have to be okay with dancing on tables…

Have you ever noticed how much alcohol normies have to drink before they can dance….?


Anyway, my friend Jess over at Bipolar Compass misses her mania.  Like real bad.

She said it in all caps yo

With periods in between the words.

Now that is some serious shit right there.

And apparently she read my missing mania piece and it left her a tad um…discouraged.. oopsies

So let’s try another way.


I miss my mania too!

It isn’t a crime to say you love mania

I mean it would be odd to not love some of the kinds of mania

and that doesn’t mean you want to get manic…..

and even if you do want to get manic

it doesn’t mean you will

I mean we don’t actually control it.

It is what it is you know.

What can I do?

I love mania.

I was actually driving the other day and the mania sickness hit me hard.

get it Maniasick like homesick but for mania…

so yeah it got me

it got me good

and i even felt a little sadness

maybe a little lip pout

and I felt the sigh come all the way up from my toes at the thought of NEVER having it again…

and then I found myself wondering if I’ll ever have it again….

and then I rapped my own knuckles because we aren’t allowed to think stuff like that….

and then we aren’t allowed to admit that we think stuff like that

because it is very bad to glorify mania because mania is bad





I have had a lot of fun manic

and I honestly can’t think of many things that would be more fun than hitting the clubs with a posse of manic Bipolar girlfriends.

I mean seriously y’all.  I know you’re smiling right now. Smirking.  Trying not to smile.

mAYBE admitting we like mania will simmer down some of the pent up illicit energy that starts to surround the wanting…the missing.

It’s ok

just admit it

the Bipolar police aren’t going to come get you and give you a citation..

“excuse me m’am were you just saying that you ehem love Mania?”

“of course not officer.  I was saying how mania is bad and I never ever want to see it again…..”

“very well then.  Turn the music down.”


okay he’s gone!

turn it up


Please don’t anybody go and try to induce mania because I’m being all honest about it.

That would be stupid and we do have our rules in here…you know it’s the rule that goes…nobody is allowed to do anything stupid because of what I say.

Plus, I am not able to induce mania so it would just be unfair.

There. I have appealed to two sides of thought.  You don’t want me to think you’re stupid and you don’t want to make me sad.

So turn this music up..grab a drink…dance around…indulge in the fantasy game but


do you hear me

stay in your house or apartment or dorm room or wherever!

This is a game!


Red mania is something else

It can feel amazing

but it also….

is extrEEEEEEEEEMely uncomfortable

especially if you don’t have an outlet…

but I think we all have learned that what we think is an outlet for that reckless fire (bars, clubs, craziness, sex) actually just stokes the fire….

it can actually leave you feeling even more unsatisfied

just like yoga and meditation do not stop Bipolar episodes….

A night of partying till you can’t see straight…or at all….will not stop it either.

That is hard to remember

because the desire is SO strong and it feels SO right to go out and be insane.

and I’m not saying we should never go out….just that it doesn’t solve problems…..

but it helps to have somewhere to go with all of that STUFF all of that ENERGY

Just thought maybe a little solidarity would help


ew sorry to get all parental serious afternoon special on you

This was supposed to be a quick light post!

Wahoo girls on the town…or in their living rooms…

Sorry to the guys…you are all very great but you know you men just complicate EVERYthing…so you can come if you’re gonna do the big brother bit…What do the girls think?


I heard this song when I was red manic OUT OF MY MIND and I was driving to someplace very very boring and not at all red manic friendly.  I felt like I was going to explode….of course I always felt like I was going to explode during this time…

and this song aroused a huge amount of self pity in me because I had no access to gaggles of women and clubs to go to with them….

so now let’s pretend!


Okay now I’m just rambling along….what can I say? I’m Bipolar.

ooo was that offensive?

Please you guys…I’ve read your blogs

If there was a Rambling Olympics Team Bipolar would win HANDS DOWN

We were born to ramble.

We were also born to blow a gasket on the dance floor!

Where my girls at?


Let’s do it

We are Super Stars!




“If you’re one of us then roll with us”



Always remember…..

It isn’t grandiosity if you actually ARE fuckin awesome




Add Yours
  1. Jess Melancholia

    My God Claya…

    Thank you. You are an amazing person and an inspiration to me. Thank you 1000x for this AMAZING and FUN post!!!!!.

    You lifted my spirit and made me feel happy. Actually happy. During one of the toughest weeks of this year. I’m so glad I met you my dear friend. You mean the world to me.


    Thank you for helping me accept who I am. “We R Who We R” 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • bipolarfirst


      oh yes we R!

      I am actually speechless because “happy. Actually happy” is HUGE in our world HUGE…..

      I am Thrilled that you enjoyed this. And I’m so touched by your words. You are awesome. HUG

      btw this is not the post I said I was going to write in your comments. That is a different thing. But sometimes Girls Need to Have Fun. I’ll be deep later.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Ava Savage

    Oooh! You just took me on a trip down memory lane. Yessss I miss it. Beats the hell out of the flip side depression. I’m smiling…. And dinner out tonight with family was not so bad after all.


  3. sandracharrondotcom

    No but seriously. We need to hit the bar together…see what you started Claya! I’m all hyper now. I agree, it’s these bipolar friendships that have kept me going these past few weeks!

    Liked by 1 person

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