So do the Therapists just assume that we are all Needy Bitches? I’m sick of this shit

Get this!

So awhile ago in one of my therapist rants I went into how I once upon a time had a good therapist but I had to move and wasn’t allowed to see her anymore…right because of rules that aren’t in our favor,..

anyway

Now you all have probably noticed that I am not the hugest fan of therapy..for ME.  If it works for you that’s wonderful.  I’m jealous. (that was not sarcasm)

So I don’t like actually WANT any therapy BUT I thought if I WAS going to buy into the whole we need therapy all the time bit that maybe I could stomach doing more therapy with that old therapist.

I thought it might even be fun…and maybe even

gasp

beneficial and….NOT SHITTY

I got really pissed about how I was just abandoned four years ago…kicked out of a bus on the side of the road….

“sorry but you moved…i know you’re all crazy and shit and just moved but good luck finding a new therapist and psychiatrist!  I mean why would anyone help you? Why on earth should we help you find new providers?  That would be…nice…that would be decent…that would MAKE SENSE..and that is not how we, The Mental Health Profession, roll.”

.

Sorry.  I’m amped up.  It seems like all of a sudden everyone is blowing up about horrible psychiatrists and therapists and it is just excruciating to hear all of this shit.  Even more excruciating to live with it.

And WE ARE STUCK with these people!

My biggest regret in life is NOT getting some degree that would allow me to write scripts.  I mean for the love of GOD all I want is someone to gimme the good stuff…and by that I mean the mood stabilizers obviously.

I mean SERIOUSLY.  What other purpose do they serve?

They annoy us, patronize us, forget us, confuse us, destroy us, betray us, hurt us, contradict us,

and we sit there and take it because WE NEED THE MEDS

so unfair…such a power imbalance

so wrong!

FUCK THEM

.

actually more to the point

SHAME ON THEM

.

How do they sleep at night?

HOW?

.

oh right they wriTE themselves Scripts for WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT…

.

Okay I’ve totally lost my story…you’ve gotta love stream of conscience

or in my case raging white water rapids waterfall of conscience

wouldn’t a stream be lovely…..?

.

So I talked to my psychiatrist (yeah I actually emoted in front of him.  Trust me it was the last time. click here) and he said it seemed like a great idea to contact the old therapist and ask her if she would be interested in seeing me as a patient again.

So I wrote her an email.

.

Now I was completely prepared for her to say no.  There are a lot of obstacles.  I was even slightly hopeful of the no as I was not sure that I actually wanted any therapy but it would provide a certain closure…I would know I wasn’t missing anything that could be helpful.

What I was not at all prepared for was the saccharine uber patronizing condescending email that I received.

First off she said that she couldn’t treat me….

oh wait no

the VERY first thing she said she WAS FLATTERED

ew

what

why is she “flattered”

I don’t know why that rubs me the total wrong way.

Anyway

second then she said that she couldn’t treat me because she isn’t licensed in the state where I live.

Okay

isn’t that all the answer that is required?

I mean I do not expect her to break the law for me.

Right?

What am I missing?

Because she then went ON for about four paragraphs with MORE reasons why she wouldn’t work with me.

I am just going to cut and paste part for you because I can…this ain’t a typewriter

I know that finding the right therapist can be a drag and I am sure you have already tried several which is probably why you are feeling discouraged. However, I don’t want you to go backwards in life, but rather I want to nudge you forward to find someone who you are happy with who will not have the same limitations as I. Once you find that person, s/he will be a resource in your pocket for the rest of your life whom you can call upon as needed. I want you to have the potential to maximize your therapy experience rather than to incur limitations.

whoa honey

back that expensive little car UP

okay the whole thing is offensive but the accusation that I am MOVING BACKWARDS IN LIFE because I reached out to her…..

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?

I have had it confirmed by two normie friends that that is ACTually pretty damn offensive and a shitty thing to say.  So I am free to believe that I’m not just “being all Bipolar” about it…

though you can be SURE that if she read this that is the FIRST place her mind would go…

oh look at the sensitive unstable Bipolar girl all worked up about meaningless shit…again…and look how foul her language is…it makes her sound so crass and uneducated and BIPOLAR

bite me

.

we can’t win.

.

But okay indulge me and let’s go back to her words…

this woman who I have not seen for four years has the nerve to tell me what I NEED and tell me what to DO and act like she knows what I’M THINKING

and then fucking has the fucking nerve to assume that I am MOVING BACKWARDS in life

okay now i’m actually laughing…because it is actually preposterous

AND you know WHAT

I have NEVER moved BACKWARD in my life

I mean what kind of shit is THAT anyway

That is just probably ALWAYS a shitty thing to say to someone…

why would you say it….

Oh yeah…I get it…

You would say it to a CHILD

to someone you felt more than…

higher than…

more responsible knowledgable and educated than

OH FUCKING YEAH

you would say it to a

MENTALLY ILL person

because obviously they

need your sage guidance all the freaking time

um NO

I don’t

thank you very much

but I’ll pack all of the books, blogs and posts that have ACTUALLY helped me in my life and be on my merry way.

.

And EWW

Don’t “nudge” me

like seriously?

is that FOR REAL

who says that?

I don’t need any “nudging” forward in anyway shape or form….

and even if I did want some nudging it would not be from some judgmental mental health person who thinks she KNOWS ME

I responded to her…

yeah

i’m like that

I slashed my original response down to something mature and calm..perhaps frosty.  I think that’s called for however.  Don’t you?

I told her I didn’t need any nudging…I told her I thought it was patronizing for her to assume she knows what I need and tell me what I need when she doesn’t know anything about me.  I told her that I was not moving backwards in life. (okay laughing again. why is that funny to me?)

Her reply…

you guessed it

So sorry there was a misunderstanding!  I didn’t at all mean to be patronizing and apologize for it coming off that way! I think you are right that I was assuming things based on previous experiences such as these that have gone wrong.

Now a therapist would look at this and note that she never actually apologizes for her actions.  She apologizes for the fact that a misunderstanding occurred…

She apologizes for her words “coming off that way”

But both of those make it sound like she is apologizing for my faulty interpretations and sensitivities rather than for her behavior.

Then

notice how she concedes that she was in fact assuming unpleasant shit about the me based on negative prior experiences.

But she does not APOLOGIZE for doing that.

plus.

it is disturbing to learn that her knee jerk reflex is to assume that her clients (even ones she hasn’t seen in years) are being needy and dysfunctional.

yuck

.

I am not all worked up about this just because of this…

It is just too much

All of it with these people is JUST TOO MUCH

I know some of you have some good ones but it seem the majority do not.

I have half a mind to go cut and paste the horrible therapist and psychiatrist shit I just read TODAY even but this is too long.  Maybe later.  That sounds like fun…joy.

.

I think therapy is a weird thing.  I’m not really down with it….but I do see that it can be helpful.  So twice now I put myself out there trying to get myself a situation in which I would be comfortable with this magical therapy they love to tell us that we need.

(they don’t then tell us it is so we have someone babysitting us in case we look like we are going to kill ourselves.  I think I can pay less than 200 dollars an hour to find someone else to do that for me)

And twice…”doctors” I thought were awesome and on my side…showed me their true colors….

they showed me how they REALLY view me

I mistakenly thought that perhaps they saw ME.  That they got ME. That they respected me.

And now I know that to them…

I am mentally ill

less than

the patient

regressing

moving backwards

dependent

unstable

incompetent

.

And you know what

FUCK THAT SHIT

I don’t need it

.

Well I need my meds

but I don’t need to divulge my shit to flawed human beings who just happened to go to school to learn shit about um….

wait a second

WHAT DO they learn?

I mean besides Transference…

WHAT THE HELL ELSE DO THEY LEARN?

because you know what it looks like from over here

NOTHING

.

I have had one therapist be helpful with one issue….

but that wasn’t even actually her… it was the EMDR machine…

so

whattheFUCKever

.

Who wants therapy?

No I mean seriously who wants therapy?

I could do it.

No.  Like I really could.  I could be a FANTASTIC therapist

I even know the lingo because I have a “background in mental health”….

and a “foreground in mental illness”

HA

.

Oh look at the Bipolar girl thinking she can be a therapist….

she must be Grandiose….

.

No

I’m not

not everything is about Bipolar

and you can’t dismiss what you don’t like as Bipolar

Because sometimes…

actually

MOST of the time when it comes to this…

the world has it wrong

not us

.

Face the music therapists and psychDocs

When we get a voice…

your days in power are numbered.

.

.

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10 comments

Add Yours
  1. dyane

    I’m so sorry, honey. Holy shit – where to start?
    I’m in YOUR corner!
    Sadly many therapists and shrinks are VERY VERY VERY messed-up people. And they gravitate to the profession – it’s weird.
    The one you wrote about blew it big-time. And I’m glad you called her on it.
    Ugh….to her….. 😦
    and a big (((hug)))) to you!

    Like

  2. AndrewS

    At the same time, like, if I was your therapist, or A therapist, I would equally despair: one hour a week to what? For what? Begin the beginning of a beginning of an odd, disjointed conversation that eternally remains weird and uncomfortable? Personally I don’t like therapy just for physical reasons. There is no window. We don’t ramble and talk. We SIT. (This country and SITTING.) I do it for pragmatic reasons, to appease certain concerned spirits, but I literally just babble for an hour and feel bored. Plus I’m a liar and fabricator and embroiderer and say whatever to pass the time. Like, kinda don’t get it, why so upset, Capers, when you’re like me and find the whole thing absurd, and could talk circles around all of them put together, and have devilish fun doing so?!

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarfirst

      HA

      thanks for that

      mostly because I don’t want to PAY for the pleasure of the devilish fun…i guess i could just go to a random insurance taking cheap one and babble and prattle and confound

      but if I was going to have a free hour in my life I would rather get my hair cut finally ha

      I know you’re playing but I will add that I’m not upset about not doing therapy. Fuck therapy.

      I am indignant at the way we are treated.

      blah blah blah

      AND YES

      BORING

      so boring

      especially when they start TALKING and saying all this stuff and they think that are being so…elucidating and insightful and wise

      and i’m like nodding off and or getting restless and irritated.

      sometimes it really seems like they think they are God’s gift to us.

      fuck that shit

      everybody knows God’s gift to us is benzos

      obv

      nuff said

      Liked by 1 person

      • AndrewS

        I agree, I share the indignation. But in the end I do feel it’s like blaming high school teachers for the condition of inner cities. Which is what we do. Maybe therapists are paid better, probably? But just that therapy exists and serves a necessary function just tells me how fucked we are as a people. Idk. My skull hurts. Pro tip: Thorazine is your best friend’s best friend if his best friend is going UP and has decided he will permanently sleep and live in a little league baseball diamond. Just saying.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. AndrewS

    What? Was just being literal. Sincere pro tip. I gave my friend a bottle of Thorazine before the concert and turned out to be a genius move cuz I woke up in the hotel. And we are still friends. I think. I hate hotels. I hate the internet! Thanks for writing all this and that and the other all the rambling posts Best Hangover Diversion Ever you’re so bubbly you have champagne brain will stop commenting and really you should delete this comment because I’m still drunk I think! And O how sad and strange it all seems! That’s what I want to tell my therapist! I spend all my life looking for words and never find them you think I can find them in your office? I will NEVER find them. It is beyond words. It is really all beyond words. — says jabbering ape with glowing gizmo — Also: people live in this city. How do people live in big cities? Hashtag “bipolar curious how do you all get through the day seems brave”

    Liked by 1 person

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