Be your own Psychiatrist. Nobody is going to Fight for you but You

this is not for everyone.

If you have a good psychiatrist who you trust and who is helping you and who respects and understands you.

Then you have no problem

But too many people do not have that.

Too many people are being damaged or hurt by psychiatry for many different reasons.

and these people need help.

(this will not be popular with the docs)


Here is what I think….what I have been forced to think…

the only way through this is to accept that they are not helpful and that you are in charge of your care…

whether they think it or know it or not.

we have to figure out how to ummm manipulate them…i know i’m going to get rapped for that one

research read and ask others about meds…

I am a big dork in this way…

I went to CrazyMeds and other sites and listed meds that sounded good for me…

I read the package inserts online…

I tracked down the studies that I could find…

I spent a ton of time searching internet discussion sites finding “reviews” by people who had actually taken the drugs.

I figured out what I thought was the best med for me and I found somebody to give it to me.

I was lucky because it was the perfect drug for me.  But I am not saying it is that easy.  and i hate saying that.

I feel like saying you found your perfect med to other Bipolars is like telling a group of women that you don’t have to workout you just are that skinny.


I am not trying to say that you will find the perfect med better than a doc…what I am saying is get involved!


For my first round of meds…which were a nightmare…

I read and researched NOTHING

I just trusted the doc

I just popped them in my mouth

Later when I was researching meds I realized how bad those meds were for me.

Now if a Pdoc “suggests” something I won’t go near it until I have researched the crap out of it.


Yeah I know that is so bad…all of the people reading crap on the internet and thinking they know more than the docs…

maybe that should be a wake up call to the docs……..

And before I would take it I would run the doc through a whole list of questions….

why are you suggesting this?

has it been proven to do this?

can you show me the evidence?

etc etc etc

and yeah we can google

we can


and again…I wish it weren’t like this.

I have had some very bad experiences.

and it isn’t my fault

I hear other people suffering because of their docs

it isn’t their fault

we would all love for the system to be great and helpful

but it just isn’t


If I had listened to my doctors I would probably have been destroyed by now.

That sounds extreme but I can assure you that I would NOT be here and I would not have achieved the stability that I have achieved.


it is sickeningly true

It frightens me beyond belief to think about what would have happened to me if I had listened to each of these people.


So no

I am not at all happy to say these things.


I wish that is was different

like choked up tears wish it was different


Everything I ever got from psychiatrists that actually helped me…I had to fight for…nobody was ever just going to give me what I needed or do what I needed or help me.

I had to make it happen


think about what meds you think would work for you

then get them to give them to you

sometimes they are resistant but many times they are not invested enough to fight you for long.

Unfortunately, i think the best psychiatrists may be the forgetful malleable ones.

I had one who would not budge.

She was dead set on giving me a med that I had already been on that had given me the worst nine months of my life.  (I have since done genetic testing and found out why).

She would not consider giving me the med I wanted for reasons that turned out to be completely and undoubtedly WRONG

and this was confirmed when I told not one not two but five other Pdocs and two other doctors and one psychologist.

It wasn’t me people.

This lady ruined months of my life.

She only didn’t ruin more because I fought back.


I just think we need to change our thinking from “they are the doctors who help us and treat us and know what they are doing…to

If you want something done right you have to do it yourself and they are there to write the scripts.

At the end of the day you know NOTHING about this person.  They could be ANYbody.  Who knows what they do and think and believe behind their curious concerned stares?

They are just people too

and who knows why they ended up in psychiatry…

we should ask them in our initial interview..(which should involve us getting to ask questions NOT them taking our whole history)

we should say “What made you want to practice psychiatry?”

I bet the answer would be enlightening.


That is what I am doing.

What I feel forced to do.

Stop emoting

stop trying

tell them as much they need to know to give you the drugs or the interventions that you know you need.

Obviously, if I was suicidal or in danger of some kind I will say that.

Unfortunately that is our life.

Be smart.  Be safe. Don’t take anything that is not prescribed for you.  Only take it the way it is prescribed. Tell them if you are in danger…or feel like you are getting there.

We just have to do that however unfair it is.


this could get me in trouble with the establishment

but I am sincerely trying to help.


I am going to push Genomind again because it takes some of the guess work out of it…or makes their opinions less necessary because there is more info about what you actually can and can’t take and what is actually more helpful. So then you are relying on some actual Science. Not just their opinions and experience.



Just so any psychdocs in the audience understand…

I didn’t write this because I want to be trouble

believe me I wish it was different.

I am saying it because most of us actually have no other option.

If you don’t like it…

Fix it.





Add Yours
  1. lolabipola

    100% agree with you! I also refused a particular med because I know what I’m currently taking works just fine. Why take me off of something that’s working, to put me onto something that “might” work. So yes, research the hell out of the meds they suggest. should find you some decent peer reviewed journal articles. And where you can find heaps of free peer reviewed journals.

    You are so right! We are in charge of our own treatment. Listen to what the psychiatrist has to say, research it for yourself (we know ourselves a whole lot better than anyone else in the world!), and then tell them what you want. Its your body, your rules.

    If you are in an unsafe space, feeling suicidal, there is no doubt you need to get yourself to the hospital – there’s no time for researching then, but you need to trust them to get you back to a space where you can have a say in your treatment.

    Take the reigns of your own treatment. They actually do not have the power. We do. They have some specialist knowledge, and that’s what they are there for – to share that knowledge with you – not to impose their beliefs and values onto you. Listen, process, research, request (although “request” sounds a bit like giving them the power back, but I just don’t like the word “demand” – its so aggressive – but it is in fact the correct word to use).


  2. Jess Melancholia

    Raw and dark. Thanks for posting this. No really. I think most patients just pop the pills and hope the Pdoc is right. I’m so very sorry about the one that didn’t budge and took 9 months away from you. I’m glad you are able to fight for your sanity. As a molecular biologist I should probably be more involved in pharmacogenetics as useful tool for treatment. Thanks for the reminder! Or I can do it myself for a fraction of the price!! 😉


  3. Screaming Jean

    Going to reblog this also. I wanted to let you know that I emailed Genomind, they do supply in the UK through a European company but at the cost of £1645, no insurance accepted. What I would give to have that sort of money to take the test, I really feel it could change my life. For others who have the option, I hope they can try it and I’ve spent so long tonight reading about the test and I feel it is the way forward.


    • bipolarfirst

      Yes. My Pdoc said that it will be standard of care someday. In the states insurance covers it so the cost is between 100 and 300 dollars. I am so sorry that it is so prohibitively expensive.

      I will tell you what though. Some of it was stuff that I already knew…like I can’t take APs…now I just have the proof to fight back with if someone tries to ram them down my throat.

      But you can know what works for your body and what your body can’t handle. to a point. ya know?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Screaming Jean

        Absolutely!!! That’s what I want too, after my recent encounter with that doctor she thought I was being difficult because I ‘didn’t like the side effects’ what is this bullshit? My body is clearly rejecting the group of anti psychotics you’re giving me. I am so glad that you had the test done, I have made my mind up and once I clear some credit card debt I want to buy this test and find out at last, it seems my only way forward. I am also having a natural tonic custom made for me by a local lady, I’m willing to try anything at this point.


  4. darie73

    Any Dr. that discourages me from researching ANYTHING about my illness I automatically find suspicious. My own family gets angry when I look things up. I am not a lab rat. It’s incredibly difficult to find a Psychiatrist at all. I have to take what I can get and manipulate my way into getting the medications that work best for me. Right now I’m not changing anything. With kidney failure and Celiac Disease my body is so out of sync that going on something new would be pointless. My Psychiatrist doesn’t really get this. I have to explain it every single time. He tries to dispute it every single time. How I don’t know. If most generics contain gluten as a binder and your kidneys are not working what is so confusing? When I mentioned my Hematologists name he was impressed and said he was the best. Then asked why I was seeing him. I wanted to scream. I’ve told him several times that I have blood disorder causing me to have a low white blood cell count it’s auto-immune. It also has to do with my bone marrow. He was shocked. Do they even listen? I know I have a lot of health issues but they do effect my mental health. It’s called Comprehensive Care. You look at the patient as a whole not just the one thing they are there for.


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