A therapist said that
Okay I was set on my next post being lighthearted but I swear you guys this shit just keeps being pushed in my face.
yes this is more therapist crap
I know I know I am sorry I am sure you’re getting tired of me bitching about this crap and I sure as hell am getting tired of writing about this crap but here I am again in it.
this time from a friend!
yeah uh huh
a friend who is a therapist
well this is a friend I haven’t seen in a long time one of those ones where you are looking to see if you still have a connection
and um yeah
I don’t think it’s gonna work out
(by the way I do have a different friend in training to be a therapist who agrees with all my shit. And I don’t think she’s just placating me…)
but anyway I just got together with this friend after a year or so….
mental health had to come up of course because she works in the field and she just got a new job
she knows that I am Bipolar
I’m going to make this as quick as I can because I pulled my car over to write this.
many things but I will focus on a few
so somehow Borderlines came up…
her saying something negative I don’t remember what.
I jump in with …
“I know a bunch of people with BPD and they are smart insightful interesting people”
she makes a face and says “really” in the most I don’t believe you of ways
“Yes. They are aware and committed to their health and wellness and very together”
She basically tells me that they can’t be. That if they are really like that that maybe the diagnosis was wrong or they aren’t BPD anymore. Whatever.
I say that they experience a lot of harsh judgment.
“yeah I know I don’t work very well with them”
I was so shocked because I didn’t realize that she was like this
I was not prepared to have to blog at her.
I was not prepared for an us versus them in which she didn’t realize I was with “them”
My heart had dropped now. And I kept thinking of you, Pride in Madness, and I almost wanted to pull out your website and show her what BPD can look like. Look at this amazing human soul.
But I felt fiercely protective of you as well.
she didn’t seem open
do not cast your pearls before therapists….
but it’s not over
schizophrenia came up.
I’ll you why in a minute…
but she said that if someone is functioning they cannot be schizophrenic.
uh huh yes she did
I am not an expert in schizophrenia but a quick google suggests that many people with schizophrenia can manage it enough to function and can lead “normal” lives. That sounds like us Bipolars a bit huh.
I also hate the word function but now is not the time for that rant.
I also have recently been introduced to the truly fabulous Allie Burke. Who is not only “functioning” but succeeding in a glorious way.
So I say…I know woman who is schizophrenic and not only functions but has published books and runs websites and..etc etc…
my friend shakes her head
“no no” she says “you cannot be paranoid schizophrenic and do things like that”…
I tried a couple more times
she didn’t believe me
i tried more
but it wasn’t happening
then I threw down…
“People just think they know but they don’t really understand what…
and she nodded like she knew what I was going to say and said …”the general public”
I said “no..everyone”
then to finish my idea said
“in general the world has no idea what mental illness actually looks like”
here she got a little heated…offended…
“I am a mental health professional in the field. I KNOW what mental illness looks like”
and I knew I had two choices.
have a heated argument with someone who wasn’t going to hear it.
or talk about the weather
I am a coward but a realist and a trigger avoider and I talked about the weather
I wish I knew more what to say
but I couldn’t believe it was happening…
that here someone I thought was “on my side” in a way…was actually not at all…
I don’t want there to be “sides” at all….but what else is it when one group is discriminated against and stigmatized ….
And the other group is DOING IT TO THEM
If you don’t feel safe with someone
they probably are not on your side
and I just wanted to take my little mentally ill self home…
well really get into my car and blog this shit.
although I almost felt like I shouldn’t tell you guys because it sucks so bad
I promised you I would tell you why schizophrenia came up.
I feel bad for even telling you because it makes me really upset.
She was telling me about clients
She told me about one woman who came to her who had been diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia.
my friend said…
and I quote
“I took one look at this woman and I KNEW she was not schizophrenic”
I was speechless
I could not even believe what she was saying.
I said what does Schizophrenia look like then because I know people who you would never now anything by looking….
she sort of gesticulated communicating that is was something unkempt and out of control
so she went on to convince this woman that her diagnosis was wrong…that it was too much pot…opioid induced psychosis that’s all
she actually said to me that the woman kept saying that she just couldn’t handle it anymore or couldn’t take it or something like that…and my friend kept telling her it was nothing.
my friend seemed so proud of herself for freeing this woman of her schizophrenia diagnosis and all I could feel was heartbreak for this poor woman.
I tried to say things…tried to ….
she wouldn’t hear
what do you when there are no ears to hear……
I asked for the check
and I have the feeling that if I wasn’t Bipolar…Bipolar would have come up too….
what does she think people with Bipolar look like
are we complete fucking messes
I guess I get a pass
I met this friend when I was in my phase of saying not I am Bipolar but
“I once got myself diagnosed with Bipolar disorder”
(see how far I’ve come!)
when I told this friend (we used to get along….)
“No. You are definitely not Bipolar. People with Bipolar are really weird”
That is wrong for so many reasons.
I can’t even begin to get into them right now
but the most disturbing part of her saying that…and the stuff about the Borderlines and the stuff about schizophrenia…and the rest
is that she IS a mental health professional
Is it just me or is the stigma hot and heavy lately….
This is the stuff that gets me all riled up in the stigma fight
but that also makes me feel crushed by the weight of what we are up against.
I couldn’t get through to a FRIEND
Let’s stick together guys
I know I called this site Bipolar first….(I couldn’t find anything not taken and it just appealed in those impulsive couple of minutes when I started this thing and I have found a lot of meaning in it)
but I want to welcome everyone else in too. I don’t know your battles and scars but we do all stand together in this. We have each other’s backs.
it doesn’t matter what your mental health diagnosis is.
if you have one
then we roll together
but we need a new word because
“Mentally Ill Together” sucks ass
okay for some reason it is also making me laugh out loud
it just sounds so stupid
I am sorry but I just don’t feel ILL
that’s not me
I’d rather call myself crazy than ill
Peace and Love to all you card carrying member of Crazyville
don’t let the bastards get you down
Peace Love Light and Stigma Fight