I put the HOT in Psychotic

Yeah…that’s right

I said psychotic

That word

that thang

the craziest of the crazies

the word that strikes fear into the hearts of normies and Bipolars alike

I thought I could maybe take a little break from ranting about how bad the whole therapy psychiatry system is and talk about….

well

Bipolar

So yeah what about psychosis?

All of the nonBipolars who crept in here got the chills when I said that.

Oh I think I see them sneaking out now….

Psychosis.

I said it again.

Just a symptom people.

No big creep out intended.

PSYCHOSIS

sorry couldn’t resist.

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(By the way.  I didn’t come up with that genius in the title.  I got it from Bipolar Beauty on Twitter.  I had to follow her. Obviously)

.

Once again

another very subjective game of Bipolar

ready to play Are You Psychotic?????

What defines a loss of connection to reality?

Like what REALLY defines it?

Where is that hard fast line?

oh yeah this is BIPOLAR

THERE ARE NONE

Bipolar spits in the face of the hard fast line

Bipolar can eat hard fast lines for breakfast

without even chewing

.

It is up to the Pdoc again to interpret what you tell them.

And as we know…

that shit can be ALL over the place

One Pdoc’s psychosis is another’s manic delusion.

But another one says that ANY delusion counts as psychosis.

Yet another says that you can have delusions and hallucinations but in order to be truly Psychotic there must be the presence of a “something else”…

(seriously what the fuck is THAT about?)

Also the same experience can be called bad anxiety by one Pdoc and paranoia by another.

Ahhhh it makes you crrrrrrazy!

ThAT MUST BE IT!

They are TRYING to make us CRAZY to get more money out of us.

I’VE CRACKED IT OPEN

sorry it appears as if I am not able to stop going off about the glory of the mental health profession.

But let’s get back to psychosis

Whoa “Sentences I never thought I’d say” for 200 Alex

.

It seems like it should be a cut and dry kind of a topic.

Are you in touch with reality or are you not?

But from what I’ve heard there is probably a spectrum here…..

Sure one can make the argument that any delusion is a loss of connection to reality?

but

from listening to other Bipolars it seems that there can be a point at which you are aware that your thoughts are delusional….

Aware that you thoughts are getting WEIRD

like they make sense to you……

but you realize that if you told them to someone they might think you were….um…

losing it

My opinion is that it is a slippery slippery thing

and since it involves the wacking out of our thoughts and perceptions it can be hard to grasp and see and hold

I know for me it was only in retrospect….like months or years retrospect….. that certain things seemed even remotely tinged with any hint of psychosis

They made THAT much sense to me

Some still kinda do

HA

it’s complicated

buT I must admit that I am not really a professional psychotic.

More of a dilettante in this regard

dabbling in the arts

So hopefully someone with more expertise will weigh in in the comments

but what I think is important to note is that Psychosis is not ALL hospitalizations and extreme behaviors

those things happen for sure

but there is a lower level, skirting under the radar Psychosis that seems to be more common though not always pointed out.  Not always noticed….by you or them

I mean you don’t go to the Pdoc and say “Well…I have been having a lot of delusions lately…”

or

“Lately birds are pulsing with light”

And I have never had one ask… “so how delusional do you feel today…on a scale of 1-10?”

And at what point does paranoia cross the line?

I actually had the SAME experience called anxiety by one doctor…paranoia by another…and a PSYCHOTIC BREAK by another

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I am so not lying!

SEE

this SHit is REEEEDiculous

.

I don’t know and it is another one of these merry go rounds that makes me tired.

And that makes me not care.

Again I used to be all worried about it.  Like I really wanted to know if I got to wear that particular badge on my Bipolar sash or if I had to be like one of the loser Bipolars without legit Psychoness

I am sure some of you are all pissy saying “well if you don’t know for sure if you were psychotic then you weren’t actually psychotic.”

or

“Honey let ME tell you about PSYCHOTIC!”

and I would say

sure

and

please do

I’m not expert

and I’m no Doctor

THANK GOD

sheesh sorry! I am so bad lately

Don’t worry I’ll punish myself later by folding laundry

maybe

probably not

but I could punish myself but going to the Pdoc this week if that made you happy

HA

I can’t be stopped

Anyway!

The point of this post is not to give a power point presentation about Psychosis but to just point out that it isn’t always as clear or as extreme or as scary as people usually think.

And I think WE think it is this big scary thing.  The ultimate crazy

and I think it scares the normies out of their pants

I think people in general don’t like the idea of people being out of control of themselves. It tends to make one uncomfortable.

and there is big bad psychosis

but even that may start small

seemingly innocuous.

These things can begin as a perfectly reasonable idea

and then morph

I find it fascinating actually

.

One of my fave Bipolar terms is this one I came across called….

Over Valued Ideas

My friends…the “overvalued idea” station is just a stop or two away from delusion and it is apparently or a short ride from delusion to psychosis (or the delusion IS psychosis depending on whatever the fuck your Psychdoc says)

But WHAT the hell is an “Over Valued Idea”

I mean it is a self explanatory term

but how exACTly do you know is someone is “overvaluing” an idea…

I don’t know but I see a lot of people overvaluing a lot of ideas…

some may accuse religious people of over valuing

a woman dead set on getting pregnant may also be overvaluing

a sports team trying to make it to some play off game…now that is definitely some overvalued shit right there…..whoa opinions today! sorry

a kid trying to get into Harvard…yeah yeah yeah

so

obviously this may be an idea that just applies to crazies

and there is definitely a difference between socially condoned overvaluing and crazy cakes overvaluing

but how exactly can we make that call?

So it seems like it is hard to see the overvaluing until it starts to become a delusion

My rule of thumb is…

if there is something you think you shouldn’t tell people (who know you) because they would think it was…um CRAZY….

theeeeeeeeen you are probably getting kinda weird.

that could be a little tip off.

unless you just roll through life a little bit out there…like someone I know…and so it does become hard to parse it all out…..

But that takes us to the merry go round again and I ain’t riding

so

.

Yeah a little thought that makes sense to you can morph and twist and change and become something totally…..well…. Psychotic…

Melody Moezzi conveys this perfectly in her book, Haldol and Hyacinths.  

And often this happens so gradually that our loved ones can end up coming along for a lot of the ride…..

Another complication of the whole thing is that some of us report having really bizarre experiences in a hypnagogic state.

Be it during meditation or while in between the sleep and wake state.

As far as I know things that happen in a hypnagogic state do not count as real delusions or visions or psychosis or whatever.

But it seems worth some further investigation and caution.

.

One big reason why I wanted answers to my own experiences in this realm was that this was back when I really wanted an answer to the Bipolar 1 Bipolar 2 shit.

Because I apparently am neither…somewhere in between….causing consternation and looks of constipation on the faces of Doctors everywhere….

bUT I wanted to KNOW dammit

it mATTERED to me back then

but Bipolar just doesn’t work like that

Pdocs all say different shit. So one could tell you that you are Bipolar 1 with psychosis and another could tell you that you are Bipolar 2 and experienced delusions. It is really crazy making.

What is my motto again?

oh yeah

FUCK THAT SHIT

I would like to be Bipolar 4 please

why?

because I like the number 4

why?

because it kinda feels like the letter L to me

and L is my favorite letter

.

I’m not trying to be weird

I just AM that weird

.

But my thing makes as much sense as theirs

.

wHile I’m on Diagnosis shit let’s just put it out there that sometimes a Bipolar, especially at a first intake appointment, may not feel comfortable trotting out every crazy thing they ever did. Lots of times the Pdocs don’t ask enough or the right things….. Jusayin

.

anyway yeah

so Psychosis

now we talked about it

kinda

I feel like this belongs in the sometimes i am ridiculous category more than anything

.

To try to make it a little more meaningful and serious.

Awareness is really the biggest weapon we have

that and profound impossible to believe inner strength

and this is just another shine the light awareness post

this time about psychosis

stay safe

and also

wherever you’ve been or are on the Psychosis spectrum

no shame

fuck shame

feel proud for making it through something most people never even have to think about.

seriously

NEVER EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT

I bet they forget that little item when they are counting their blessings…

“Oh and thank you for giving me a brain that doesn’t lose touch with reality..and thank you for my new yummy smelling deodorant…..”

.

Somebody should probably take the mike (hahaha i just came back to update i couldn’t remember how to spell mic before.  I think it is mic? but i decided to leave it because mike is funny but now i’ve ruined it with this parenthesis whatthfuckever) now because I feel silly and rambly

#imweird #youloveit

#imnotmanic:P

.

Peace LOve and CraZy!

16 comments

Add Yours
  1. darie73

    Psychosis, Delusions of Grandeur, Bipolar I, II, Hallucinations, it’s all as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.
    Whenever I felt the beginning of a manic episode I was at the mall buying a new outfit or 2, new perfume from Nordstrom’s, new hair products and make-up from Sephora, by the end of my spree I’d be down close to a $1,000. This is when I felt like drinking the most and could drink the longest. I would start at 5 p.m. and stop at 5 a.m. During this time I once thought I was on a runway for an airplane. I ran as fast as I could and flung myself in the air. It was just lights along a pathway. Another time I though some cats were hurt on the beach so I tried to catch and help them. The were not cats. They were water rats. I thought I saw a Budweiser Horse wandering the halls of the apartment building I was at and an old man eating succotash. NOPE. Now I know alcohol was involved so my Dr. says they do not count. I drank everyday. But it was only during the periods where people asked if I had too much “caffeine” or that I should cut back on the “caffeine” because I was too hyper that these things happened. So how can it be blamed 100% on alcohol?

    Liked by 3 people

    • lolabipola

      “as useful as a poopy flavoured lollipop”! Bwahahahaha!!! Too true… If you hallucinate, you hallucinate right? Its all just categorising and labelling.

      But to give you some clarity on the whole psychosis/alcohol thing and possibly why the Dr said they don’t “count” – but before I do that, I want to say that you were hallucinating (by the sounds of it!), but because of the diagnostic criteria for psychosis, it was ruled out by your Dr as a symptom of Bipolar mania with psychotic features… BUT, being manic would most certainly have predisposed you to the possibility of experiencing psychotic symptoms (in my humble opinion).

      Psychosis = Criteria A: Two or more of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a one month period. At least one must be 1, 2, or 3:

      1) Delusions
      2) Hallucinations
      3) Disorganised speech
      4) Grossly disorganised or catatonic behaviour
      5) Negative symptoms (i.e. diminished emotional expression or avolition)

      Criteria E: The disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance

      The only reason for Criteria E is because obviously some substances can induce psychotic symptoms – if you had hallucinated during your manic episodes, without having consumed any alcohol, the psychotic symptoms could then be linked to the mania, and thereby warranting a diagnosis of Bipolar I.

      Having said all that though, it does not take away from the fact that you were hallucinating! I suppose the distinction is necessary for the Drs because it could mean the difference between prescribing an anti-psychotic as a mood stabiliser or an anti-epileptic or other drug as the mood stabiliser. I have no idea. I’m just making assumptions because I don’t know how or why they prescribe whatever they prescribe. Do they even know?

      Liked by 1 person

      • darie73

        We were just arguing in his office last Wednesday about the diagnostic code he’s been using. It now translates to Bipolar II. I read the criteria for Bipolar I was at least 1 manic episode lasting 48 to 72 hours. It never mentioned you had to have hallucinations or be hospitalized. He argued you do. When I get upset I stutter so I couldn’t make my argument. What do you call going into Bankruptcy, Promiscuity, and rapid speech? I’ll never understand them and they will never understand me. He actually GAVE me a medication that made me hallucinate. Idiot. He told me alcohol is a depressant. When I was manic it wasn’t. I would start drinking at 5 p.m. and stop at 5 a.m. I would be hyper. So now I just stay with the meds I’m on and do my own thing to cope. I don’t drink but I blog, take pictures, talk to the animals, and try to make it through the day.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bipolarfirst

        WHAT? Why do they do this? Why do they feel the need to convince us that we are not as “ill” as we KNOW we ARE

        It makes NO sense and it is SO DANGEROUS

        I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS SHIT

        AHHHHH

        Like

      • lolabipola

        He is a complete fucking idiot! You do NOT have to be hospitalised to be bipolar 1. The only difference between I and II is severity – and IF there are psychotic features, even if it’s a little bit hypomanic, it’s still manic – manic = BP1 ; hypomanic = BP2

        Liked by 1 person

      • lolabipola

        Oh, another diagnostic criteria for bipolar – BP1 = at least a week of mania (but obvs it can be longer! My last episode lasted about a month, if not longer); BP2 = hypomanic for at least 4 days (but could be longer)

        Liked by 1 person

      • darie73

        It’s funny how the people around me would think it was hysterical. That I was great to be around when I was like that. Since I quit drinking and I’m mostly in a depressed state , I think because of early menopause and grief every0ne has disappeared. I just told everyone on Facebook to F*ck Off. Then I deleted it. Spineless. I can’t even find a ride to my kidney surgery tomorrow because the one person that still cares has dialysis. Sorry I’m feeling down today.

        Like

    • bipolarfirst

      Out oF ALL of the stuff I’ve written here THIS is the post that makes you accept your Bipolar???

      or are you using my blog as a platform for declaring your new identity as Bipolar dolphin dolphin?

      Which I have to tell you, is NOT in the DSM.

      Not that my Bipolar is in the DSM………..

      Liked by 2 people

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