I said psychotic
the craziest of the crazies
the word that strikes fear into the hearts of normies and Bipolars alike
I thought I could maybe take a little break from ranting about how bad the whole therapy psychiatry system is and talk about….
So yeah what about psychosis?
All of the nonBipolars who crept in here got the chills when I said that.
Oh I think I see them sneaking out now….
I said it again.
Just a symptom people.
No big creep out intended.
sorry couldn’t resist.
(By the way. I didn’t come up with that genius in the title. I got it from Bipolar Beauty on Twitter. I had to follow her. Obviously)
another very subjective game of Bipolar
ready to play Are You Psychotic?????
What defines a loss of connection to reality?
Like what REALLY defines it?
Where is that hard fast line?
oh yeah this is BIPOLAR
THERE ARE NONE
Bipolar spits in the face of the hard fast line
Bipolar can eat hard fast lines for breakfast
without even chewing
It is up to the Pdoc again to interpret what you tell them.
And as we know…
that shit can be ALL over the place
One Pdoc’s psychosis is another’s manic delusion.
But another one says that ANY delusion counts as psychosis.
Yet another says that you can have delusions and hallucinations but in order to be truly Psychotic there must be the presence of a “something else”…
(seriously what the fuck is THAT about?)
Also the same experience can be called bad anxiety by one Pdoc and paranoia by another.
Ahhhh it makes you crrrrrrazy!
ThAT MUST BE IT!
They are TRYING to make us CRAZY to get more money out of us.
I’VE CRACKED IT OPEN
sorry it appears as if I am not able to stop going off about the glory of the mental health profession.
But let’s get back to psychosis
Whoa “Sentences I never thought I’d say” for 200 Alex
It seems like it should be a cut and dry kind of a topic.
Are you in touch with reality or are you not?
But from what I’ve heard there is probably a spectrum here…..
Sure one can make the argument that any delusion is a loss of connection to reality?
from listening to other Bipolars it seems that there can be a point at which you are aware that your thoughts are delusional….
Aware that you thoughts are getting WEIRD
like they make sense to you……
but you realize that if you told them to someone they might think you were….um…
My opinion is that it is a slippery slippery thing
and since it involves the wacking out of our thoughts and perceptions it can be hard to grasp and see and hold
I know for me it was only in retrospect….like months or years retrospect….. that certain things seemed even remotely tinged with any hint of psychosis
They made THAT much sense to me
Some still kinda do
buT I must admit that I am not really a professional psychotic.
More of a dilettante in this regard
dabbling in the arts
So hopefully someone with more expertise will weigh in in the comments
but what I think is important to note is that Psychosis is not ALL hospitalizations and extreme behaviors
those things happen for sure
but there is a lower level, skirting under the radar Psychosis that seems to be more common though not always pointed out. Not always noticed….by you or them
I mean you don’t go to the Pdoc and say “Well…I have been having a lot of delusions lately…”
“Lately birds are pulsing with light”
And I have never had one ask… “so how delusional do you feel today…on a scale of 1-10?”
And at what point does paranoia cross the line?
I actually had the SAME experience called anxiety by one doctor…paranoia by another…and a PSYCHOTIC BREAK by another
I am so not lying!
this SHit is REEEEDiculous
I don’t know and it is another one of these merry go rounds that makes me tired.
And that makes me not care.
Again I used to be all worried about it. Like I really wanted to know if I got to wear that particular badge on my Bipolar sash or if I had to be like one of the loser Bipolars without legit Psychoness
I am sure some of you are all pissy saying “well if you don’t know for sure if you were psychotic then you weren’t actually psychotic.”
“Honey let ME tell you about PSYCHOTIC!”
and I would say
I’m not expert
and I’m no Doctor
sheesh sorry! I am so bad lately
Don’t worry I’ll punish myself later by folding laundry
but I could punish myself but going to the Pdoc this week if that made you happy
I can’t be stopped
The point of this post is not to give a power point presentation about Psychosis but to just point out that it isn’t always as clear or as extreme or as scary as people usually think.
And I think WE think it is this big scary thing. The ultimate crazy
and I think it scares the normies out of their pants
I think people in general don’t like the idea of people being out of control of themselves. It tends to make one uncomfortable.
and there is big bad psychosis
but even that may start small
These things can begin as a perfectly reasonable idea
and then morph
I find it fascinating actually
One of my fave Bipolar terms is this one I came across called….
Over Valued Ideas
My friends…the “overvalued idea” station is just a stop or two away from delusion and it is apparently or a short ride from delusion to psychosis (or the delusion IS psychosis depending on whatever the fuck your Psychdoc says)
But WHAT the hell is an “Over Valued Idea”
I mean it is a self explanatory term
but how exACTly do you know is someone is “overvaluing” an idea…
I don’t know but I see a lot of people overvaluing a lot of ideas…
some may accuse religious people of over valuing
a woman dead set on getting pregnant may also be overvaluing
a sports team trying to make it to some play off game…now that is definitely some overvalued shit right there…..whoa opinions today! sorry
a kid trying to get into Harvard…yeah yeah yeah
obviously this may be an idea that just applies to crazies
and there is definitely a difference between socially condoned overvaluing and crazy cakes overvaluing
but how exactly can we make that call?
So it seems like it is hard to see the overvaluing until it starts to become a delusion
My rule of thumb is…
if there is something you think you shouldn’t tell people (who know you) because they would think it was…um CRAZY….
theeeeeeeeen you are probably getting kinda weird.
that could be a little tip off.
unless you just roll through life a little bit out there…like someone I know…and so it does become hard to parse it all out…..
But that takes us to the merry go round again and I ain’t riding
Yeah a little thought that makes sense to you can morph and twist and change and become something totally…..well…. Psychotic…
Melody Moezzi conveys this perfectly in her book, Haldol and Hyacinths.
And often this happens so gradually that our loved ones can end up coming along for a lot of the ride…..
Another complication of the whole thing is that some of us report having really bizarre experiences in a hypnagogic state.
Be it during meditation or while in between the sleep and wake state.
As far as I know things that happen in a hypnagogic state do not count as real delusions or visions or psychosis or whatever.
But it seems worth some further investigation and caution.
One big reason why I wanted answers to my own experiences in this realm was that this was back when I really wanted an answer to the Bipolar 1 Bipolar 2 shit.
Because I apparently am neither…somewhere in between….causing consternation and looks of constipation on the faces of Doctors everywhere….
bUT I wanted to KNOW dammit
it mATTERED to me back then
but Bipolar just doesn’t work like that
Pdocs all say different shit. So one could tell you that you are Bipolar 1 with psychosis and another could tell you that you are Bipolar 2 and experienced delusions. It is really crazy making.
What is my motto again?
FUCK THAT SHIT
I would like to be Bipolar 4 please
because I like the number 4
because it kinda feels like the letter L to me
and L is my favorite letter
I’m not trying to be weird
I just AM that weird
But my thing makes as much sense as theirs
wHile I’m on Diagnosis shit let’s just put it out there that sometimes a Bipolar, especially at a first intake appointment, may not feel comfortable trotting out every crazy thing they ever did. Lots of times the Pdocs don’t ask enough or the right things….. Jusayin
now we talked about it
I feel like this belongs in the sometimes i am ridiculous category more than anything
To try to make it a little more meaningful and serious.
Awareness is really the biggest weapon we have
that and profound impossible to believe inner strength
and this is just another shine the light awareness post
this time about psychosis
wherever you’ve been or are on the Psychosis spectrum
feel proud for making it through something most people never even have to think about.
NEVER EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
I bet they forget that little item when they are counting their blessings…
“Oh and thank you for giving me a brain that doesn’t lose touch with reality..and thank you for my new yummy smelling deodorant…..”
Somebody should probably take the mike (hahaha i just came back to update i couldn’t remember how to spell mic before. I think it is mic? but i decided to leave it because mike is funny but now i’ve ruined it with this parenthesis whatthfuckever) now because I feel silly and rambly
Peace LOve and CraZy!