2 Important Things the Loved Ones of Bipolars MUST say

I’m gonna tell you them

.

.

Friends, Loved Ones, Countrymen

lend me you ears(eyes)

Have you ever heard shit like the following?

I HATE myself

I’m stupid

I’m fat and ugly

No one cares about me

I want to die

I am a failure

I can’t do this anymore

What is the point of all of this

You don’t understand

 

…………………………………

So you are the Loved One hearing this….reading these texts

what THE FUCK are you supposed to say?????

and if you are the Bipolar saying these things……..

what do you need to hear?

.

what do we expect people to do in the face of this kind of behavior….these kinds of statements?

I actually think that we are not “expecting” anything at all

I don’t think there is usually any great intent or thought behind these statements

We are just saying it

just getting it out

like scratching an itch

.

so many of us like to blog and write and we all get off so much on each other’s descriptions of Bipolar

because most of us seem to want nEED LONG FOR

WORDS

to put on this stuff

and as far as I can see one of the best coping mechanisms most of us find is trying to describe how we feel

but our friends and family are like

……*****crickets

and we’re all like okay I guess i’m freaking them out

so we get on the internet

BUT

I’m talking about more than just the describing talking bitching wanting to write and explain and feel and talk about it generally and in the community and be all heard and understood

this time I am talking about how we long to do this with our friends and family

the people close to us

the people who love us

and think they know us

.

The expressing in writing on the internet is much different than texting a close loved one “I hate myself”

What is that about?  What do we want?

a wall to bump against

a rope to hold on to

a hand to grip

lost within the blackness and blindness of Bipolar….

an elbow on which to flutter fingertips

something to make us feel connected to SOMEthing…hold us down

make us feel like there is something solid

somewhere

.

They can’t understand

and trying to get them to can cause pain

but

they cAn Care

and they can Love

and they can Listen

.

and they can think to themselves “Holy fucking donkey balls I have no idea what to do here”

but they cAn Say……

“Holy fucking donkey balls I have no idea what to do here”

yeah losers

you CAN say that

one of the best things you can say (there are two.  I’m being so know it all today) when you don’t know what to say or do for your Bipolar…

IS

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY”

add on

“I really wish I did”

and you’ve got a winner

and here is the thing

If you are listening..

you ARE helping

responding to the texts and emails and phone calls and all of that IS helping

and it is all we want sometimes

you can’t save us

you aren’t going to pull us out of it

don’t try

just be the friend/spouse/parent

.

Bipolars…we can’t expect them to pull us out

and Loved Ones…you can’t try to pull us out

but you can be with us while we are in it

that is what we need

.

So I said that that was one thing you could say and if you notice that one  was just simply our good old friend Honesty.

Now, you don’t have to add “Oh god I’m afraid you’re gonna fuckin die tomorrow…”

 

You can leave it at “Oh god that sounds so intense it scares me.  I don’t know what to do for you.  I wish I did.”

.

But yes…what is the other thing you should say you ask.  The BIG ONE

the real deal

The three magic words that will work in any circumstance….

they require some output on your part…some endurance for some crazy talk.

some…ya know…Love

obviously they can take other forms than these three words…but once you get this basic idea down you can go from there.

are you ready!!!!!!?????

drum roll please

when your Bipolar is saying crazy shit to you

you should say

DA DA DA!

.

tell me more

.

.

BP”I hate myself”

“Aw I think you’re pretty cool…tell me more”

BP”I want to die”

“Okay…can you tell me more?”

BP”I’m fat and stupid and ugly.”

“No you’re not but tell me more.  What’s going on in you?”

BP”Nobody cares about me.”

“I care about you big time.  Tell me more about what you’re feeling.”

.

This communicates three things to your Bipolar.  Three important things

  1. I don’t want to leave you alone in this.
  2. I care
  3. I am not afraid of your feelings…of your Bipolar

.

And you are giving them something they really need

a safe space to be Bipolar

to stop hiding it and holding it and repressing it for a moment

and a space to take this swirling horrible confusing pain and tack some words on it…

get it out into the physical world

and a way to communicate to you that something big is going on

in them

.

Nobody is saying it is easy.

Bipolar isn’t easy

all the shit that normies go through isn’t easy

Life isn’t easy

nobody ever promised any of us easy

so that’s the deal

that’s the deal of humans and life

sorry

if you love a Bipolar…..

if you want to help them…..

if you want them to be in your life in a genuine authentic way…

if you value what they bring to you…

if you want to be part of what helps them through it….

if you want them to be safe…

then say this shit to them

.

money back guarantee

.

hey Bipolars….don’t you wish someone would say that to you?

anybody nodding and or tearing up?

.

Of course now when I say I hate my life and myself and EVERYTHING is SO stupid and meaningless

and my sweet friends say…

“tell me more”

I will say

fuck you

you got that from my blog

 

😛

10 comments

Add Yours
  1. morgueticiaatoms

    Two sporks up for this one.

    I don’t have a supportive friend or family member, any support I get is on line and being terrified of the petri dish and people…maybe that works for me okay.

    But then the times I am around my family during manic highs…I get, “Are you drunk or on drugs?”
    During the depressive lows I get, “Oh, we’re all depressed,life is hard, get over it.”

    I’d much rather hear, “I don’t understand how you’re feeling but I’ll listen if you want to talk about it.”

    Bit of empathy, compassion, and love would go a long way with all of us. We know the ups/downs lie to us, tell us we’re either ten feet tall and bullet proof, or a horrible waste of oxygen.
    Just someone taking the time to admit they don’t know what to do or say but are willing to listen…That’d be more than enough for me.

    Because even I don’t know what to say or do with myself sometimes and I’ve lived this stuff over thirty years.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. carolineturriff

    Hey I found this article really interesting and useful. I have a friend who’s bipolar and I feel so powerless when she is in a bipolar low as it seems that nothing will shift her depression. I try to suggest actions to her – exercise or getting a part time job – as when I had clinical depression and wanted to kill myself exercise and my job helped keep me alive. But I will try the “tell me more” formula you give in this article not just to my friends who are bipolar but my other friends suffering from depression, I have recovered from severe depression but it did take 30 years! http://bit.ly/1ER5cLY

    Like

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