What Can You Say To Your MANIC Bipolar Loved One?


is that what Your Bipolar sometimes sounds like when Manic

does it leave you thinking…..

uhhhhhomgholyshitsheislosingitwhatcanisayifihungupwouldshevenknowwhythefuckaren’tthesemedsworkingstupiddoctors WHAT CAN i DO?

I’ll toss you some ideas while I am also fully aware that this is one big ball of tangled worms.

and this all goes for hypomania too.  I just use the term Mania to cover both.  I think it’s all silly distinction anyway (click to read that fun)


oh deary me

we ALL know that telling someone they are manic doesn’t really work all that well

as Melody Moezzi says….

“Telling someone who is manic that she’s manic is like telling a dictator that he’s a dick. Neither is going to admit it, and both are willing to torture you to prove their points.”


pretty much


So you poor Loved Ones of Bipolars…

What do you say when your Bipolar says

“Guess what…I understand all of the secrets of the universe!!!!!!”


“I love you so much I want to go camping with you NOW (midnight in the winter)”


“No really it is ok that I slept with the guy from yoga because you know my boyfriend doesn’t deserve me anyway…”

or some shit like that…


you could use tell me more just to get an idea how far this is going/has gone



I have no idea what you should say

but I can say

that probably one of the most important things (not always) is to keep the communication coming so you’ve got an idea what is going on.

Because I know we can tend to get more secretive when we feel like “No One understands”

In general with Bipolar communication is a good thing

as annoying as those texts and emails and repeated calls may be….if they are telling you about it…..Yay celebrate….it is when they go quiet that um yeah you know

moving on

Also you could be like one of my lovely friends.  She is very good at sort of observing and remembering and very gently suggesting things (a teacher obviously) and she will sometimes very casually say….

“You have said that sometimes you do more of X when you are feeling more on the manic side….do you think maybe you’re feeling a little bit manic…..hmmm?”

And that gives me the space to both deny it but also have to consider it and she brings those observations into my attention which helps me in the future.

So I think that works….to sort of try to use things the Bipolar has said or told you and work with those.

Another thing to remember is that there are better and worse times to say something.

Most people seem to cycle within cycles and so there may be more lucid days than others…times when it may be more effective to say something.

If your Bipolar Loved One is gleaming and going on and on about how the birds are pulsating with light (true story) and life is one big gorgeous affair…

and you say

“I think you’re Manic”

you’ll probably get smacked

or laughed at

or a vehement denial

or tears

(I mean it runs the gamut we are talking about Bipolar. hehe snap)


So look for windows…

the best window will present itself to you.

When your Bipolar says….

“Do you think I’m crazy?”


“Is this too crazy?”


“This seems really weird doesn’t it?”

or even

“Do you think I’m manic?”


I still can’t guarantee you that they/I won’t get mad when you say yes so try it at your own risk….



There are things my friends have tried to tell me or say to me that have totally pissed me off….

until I stopped being manic and felt like an idiot

realizing that they were right

that they were trying to help

and that I am SO grateful that they tried

that they took the risk that I may get mad at them (they seem to care about that…weirdos)

to try and HELP me….save me from myself Bipolar.

One of my friends and I, unfortunately, have a rather um…eventful…history regarding this issue.

And after everything that has happened I recently told her that I want her to try to tell me the truth and that even if I get mad I would be shocked if I didn’t come back to her when the Bipolar cleared….

feeling shitty and stupid

and grateful


I am going to say one last weird little thing about this…..  And this does not apply to Black Manias or super duper Psychotic Manias or destructive Manias.

This is for mild to moderate to barely severe run of the mill White and Red manias…(see here for a description of the mania colors)


try to enjoy what you can

yeah I said it

try to enjoy your Bipolar’s mania

I get that this is very individual but I’m just putting the idea out there


That doesn’t mean you condone it or are happy about it or are not worried about it or anything like that. Or that it isn’t very obnoxious at times…

I’m not saying it isn’t very serious

But at a certain point all you can do is keep tabs on your Manic Bipolar Loved One…

so maybe enjoy it while you are hating it…

Forgive me…I am kind of doing the thing that I hate…talking about something I don’t know about…because I’m not on the other side.

But I do believe that this stuff can help your Bipolar Loved One and you.  Or I wouldn’t be saying it.


I am sure it probably hasn’t escaped you that……..

In mania…we Bipolars often experience magic

we are often profound



absurdly compassionate

and Doggone it

sometimes we are really freaking FUN


So when we say deep crazy shit….maybe listen and don’t just dismiss it…

sure it may be nuts but there may also be something to it

and if we want to do something fun and crazy….maybe DO IT TOO

maybe redirect us to something less crazy

and when we want to give away all of our money…(take our wallet..haha no..well yeah) but maybe redirect us towards some other compassionate project and DO IT TOO


The more you are involved in the Mania, the more you will understand it….the safer your Bipolar will be.


Bipolar is horrible

Depression is hell

Mania can be destructive


Mania can be fun

and one of the perks for everyone involved is the fun Mania

I think some (not all) Loved Ones can probably reach back into their minds and pull out a memory of a time when they had a blast as a result of their Bipolar’s Mania.

I think a couple of my friends would have to agree that a lot of the fun that happened in our lives together was a product of the Manic Me.


Let me be repetitive on this important point……please don’t misunderstand and think that because I am pointing out some positives about Mania that I somehow don’t realize how dangerous and awful and destructive it is or how obnoxious and terrible it can be for the Loved Ones.

Nothing is Either Or my friends

with Bipolar

it is ALWAYS Both And and A little bit of that and A milkshake with a cockroach




so sure Mania is super duper crazy ass Totes McGotes obnoxious

go ahead and hate it

go ahead and try to find the right time to burst the bubble

but when your Bipolar says…

“OMG I need to dance in This  AmaZing rain!”

maybe say

“Cool.  Let’s do it”








1 comment

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  1. dyane

    I drove my husband fucking crazy when manic and hypomanic and, ta da,

    It’s a miracle we’re still married. If he did all the shit to me that I did to him, I would have bailed.


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