Crossing the Line Into Crazy-Can you tell when You’ve gone too far?

There is that line that you can cross…the line in between “reaction” or “normal idea” into “over reaction” and “extreme idea”

And then there is the next line…the one that crosses over into

Bipolar Reaction

and

Bipolar idea

.

And these things always start out in truth.  IN actual REALITY.

There are reasonable reasons

You may even have your friends on board

It all makes SENSE

.

Until it doesn’t

.

Silly example

Reasonable reason- “I need shoes to wear.  I have no shoes to wear”

Reasonable action- “I will buy a pair or two of shoes”

Over reaction-“I should take advantage of this shoe sale and stock up!”

Bipolar reaction-“THIS IS SUCH A GREAT SALE I SHOULD BUY A TON OF  SHOES EVEN THE ONES THAT ARE FUGLY AND THAT I WOULD NEVER BE CAUGHT DEAD IN BECAUSE ya know I NEED SHOES!”

.

Significant other says

“Why’d you buy so many shoes?”

Reasonable answer-“I needed shoes.  I didn’t have any shoes.”

“Yeah but why did you buy so many?”

Extreme answer- “Well because they were on sale and I like REALLY needed them.”

“Okay but why did you buy all of these ones you won’t even wear?………”

Bipolar answer-……………………..”ummmmmmm yeah hmmm I don’t know…………”

Ding ding ding Bipolar!

.

But this goes for anything…everything…

whether it is rear ending someone or knocking over your recycling can or wanting to add “cozy accents” to your living room to um trying to cut out processed foods…..

There are lines

lines to leap over

or ooze over

or stumble over

but they are there

.

And for some reason…at least for me…

they are only visible when they are behind me.

I cannot seem to ever see them coming…to ever notice myself crossing them….

well actually I do…I do a lot of times now…but of course it is the times that I don’t that stick with me…

the times that I DON’T catch myself in time to save myself the shame and embarrassment and face palming and money …..those are what I am thinking about

.

because it always makes sense

until it doesn’t

there are always good reasons…

but those good reasons usually only apply to the normal reaction and maybe half of the over reaction

by the time you get to the Bipolar reactions/actions those reasons no longer justify the thoughts feelings behavior and proclamations

.

But what can be tricky is that sometimes these extreme Bipolar reactions/actions are not visible and our friends can carry on fueling our crazy without meaning to

if we don’t TELL our friends honestly about the extent of what is happening in our heads…they will valiantly keep validating the emotions that we ARE communicating and to us this can feel like a validation of what we are NOT saying…

.

I feel like a lot of the time with Bipolar I am driving a car backwards.  The speed picks up and I think “hmm what is happening here?  Are we going faster?”

and then I hit the tree behind me and bam there in front of me is that damn line

and I’m all like

“oohhhhhhhh I get it now.  I guess that WAS kinda crazy”

.

I have no idea how to become more aware of the lines

except to just try to become more aware of them

that is very helpful I know

sorry

but it is worth it to try

because it is always better to say…

“Whoa this is getting weird…”

than to say

“Whoa WHAT am I DOING?”

than to say

“God in heaven…WHAT HAVE I DONE??????”

.

and I have no idea how you’re actually supposed to get over the shame that can come with these things.

It’s Bipolar

Shame Happens

I’ll make T shirts

HA.

Peace Love and Walking the Lines

19 comments

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  1. mythoughts62

    Funny you should pick shoes as an example. My FIL, which is where my wife’s family seems to have gotten their bipolar from, once bought almost every shoe that fit him at a shoe store because they were on sale. He was still using this supply when he died years later, and my MIL had to find people to inherit the shoes that he hadn’t worn yet.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. stuffthatneedssaying

    The line I can never see is the one between actual enlightenment and bipolar “OMG ENLIGHTENMENT”. Until later, when I’m very clearly not manic anymore and I suddenly realize that I wasn’t ever able to see the future results of events as they were happening.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarfirst

      oh um hmm i have um nO idEEa what that would be like…….

      uh yeah I totally know EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS LIKE

      Thanks for bringing that up because yes. Wow. So true.

      I think that that is one heck of a fine fine line….

      Like

      • Andy Smart

        Hiya BPF > I’m not Bi-polar but I have had a lot of contact with people who’ve had it/got it. The two brothers was the most devastating thing that has ever happened. My Long Term ex also suffered terribly from it. Me: no I’m not BP but suffer from big time anxiety. It has the knock on effect of immersing me into skin crawling depression. I live in China now, anonymously among a sea of millions. I regret not being able to live in the UK anymore but I cant face it. At least I am contented here though plagued by regrets. RE your blog > really hits the nail on the f*cking head mate!!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • bipolarfirst

        Thank you! That is very kind. I am glad you appreciate it.

        I am so sorry about what Bipolar has done in your life…truly

        It is stories like yours that make us all keep saying this stuff.

        My anxiety also can throw me into depression if I’m not careful…and.. well often even if I am careful.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Andy Smart

        Cheers BPF and I’m glad you dont mind me dropping by your blog. My Dad was super anxious and I reckon that’s why he got ill. I cant go down that one I just cant so I realised that having tried being a normal citizen of the UK it didnt work. Anyway, why the f go on doing the same thing that you’ve been doing your whole life anyway. There’s only one thing left now and that’s hitting the road and going into the unknown. Knowing that I’m on this path makes me feel purposeful again > thank f*ck!

        Like

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