I saw this on Twitter and I think it is awesome. In many ways yes.
(anybody read me long enough to know where this is going to go right now?)
Just one thing…
Don’t call me SICK
I just simply do not identify with the word at all.
It doesn’t feel right to me.
It doesn’t feel like me.
It is not completely untrue
I mean I am the one who has repeatedly said that depression is like the flu in the brain
And I am the one who tells people to treat me “like I’m sick” when I am super depressed.
So it isn’t that it NEVER feels right.
Yeah sure…in the depths of depression I feel ill…I feel sick
and I can see that in the heights of mania one may also say the brain is “ill” “sick”
but even with the daily Bipolar shit that I live with….
I don’t want to be called SICK on the daily
I can’t STAND the term Mentally Ill
and I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I have to use it because there isn’t another good word for the vast group of us beyond Bipolar who live with this shit.
Because I don’t feel SICK on the daily
That IS NOT HOW I SEE MYSELF
Is it easy
Do I have to fight for balance and wellness all the time
Do I struggle against my own brain?
but do I look in the mirror and see a “sick” person?
I am going to maintain this position that I keep stating
Our brains are DIFFERENT
But these difference cause problems in certain times and places and conglomering loops of crap
My brain is different
My brain has a condition
My brain may even be “disordered”
But My brain is not sick
I’m gonna go crazy here and say that in some ways I think my brain is fucking awesome
and I love it
I’m not like other people
I think differently
my relationship with music
is not like anyone else’s I know
I don’t look at life like anyone else I know
And that doesn’t mean that I am okay with being bludgeoned by Bipolar into hating myself and hurting myself and wanting the end
Not AT ALL
sure you can call THAT sick
but I’m not willing to be called sick
call ME different
because whatever it is that is “wrong” with me…
whatever mechanisms go awry and wreak their havoc..
may also be the things that flip around and wreak their magic
and make me Me
and maybe this makes no sense
maybe it isn’t fair
maybe I’m just bristling about the language
maybe I’m in denial and unhappy to be “mentally ill”
maybe I just don’t like the reality that…
I have a sick brain
Maybe I shouldn’t be saying all of this
But I am going to
Because I don’t want that word attached to me or my brain
I’m not sick
I’m not ill
I am neurologically DIFFERENT
it makes me awesome
and it fucks me over
and gives me episodes of true “illness”
But don’t call me ill
I don’t feel mentally ill
I do feel like my brain is different
We need to start embracing neurodiversity
and stop hammering this ill crap
although I will also admit that I think it is necessary in order to get a certain point across to certain normies and certain parts of society
but at the same time I’m going to keep saying it
Don’t call me ill
and don’t you dare call my amazing miraculous fragile but badass brain
I don’t even love the term Bipolar Disorder
it would be a weird thing to “love”
my new idea for a term that works better is….
Manic Depressive Condition
as in I have MDC
It makes a lot more sense than stupid Bipolar (although it sounds less sexy)
as if there were these poles and this two nonsense
but yeah manic…mania…yeah I get that. Those are actually some of my favorite words for what we it means…
it feels right to me
not as much
not so much
it may be different if society as a whole didn’t use “depressed” to apply to every situation under the sun…”He didn’t call me back..I’m so depressed.”… “My dog died..I’m so depressed.”… “Starbucks is out of soy milk..I’m so depressed”…
and I find “condition” to be a lot LESS annoying
a lot less um what’s the word I’m looking for….???
Oh I don’t know fuck it
those illness and defective disordery type words make me feel icky
um I guess…SICKLY
and I’m not that
Not at all
so take that sickness language
save it for the depression blow outs
and appreciate a little neurodiversity
because that is what we are
different wiring in the brain that sometimes flip flops itself into making me “sick”
but That kind of language may help other people have more compassion for us
but it disempowers us
because the image of sick people
is not true to what we are
we know that
we should know that
My brain isn’t sick
it is my brain
and I love it