Don’t You Dare Call me SICK

I saw this on Twitter and I think it is awesome.  In many ways yes.

but

ugh

(anybody read me long enough to know where this is going to go right now?)

Just one thing…

Don’t call me SICK

I just simply do not identify with the word at all.

It doesn’t feel right to me.

It doesn’t feel like me.

It is not completely untrue

I mean I am the one who has repeatedly said that depression is like the flu in the brain

And I am the one who tells people to treat me “like I’m sick” when I am super depressed.

So it isn’t that it NEVER feels right.

Yeah sure…in the depths of depression I feel ill…I feel sick

and I can see that in the heights of mania one may also say the brain is “ill” “sick”

but even with the daily Bipolar shit that I live with….

I don’t want to be called SICK on the daily

I can’t STAND the term Mentally Ill

and I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I have to use it because there isn’t another good word for the vast group of us beyond Bipolar who live with this shit.

Because I don’t feel SICK on the daily

That IS NOT HOW I SEE MYSELF

Is it easy

no

Do I have to fight for balance and wellness all the time

yes

Do I struggle against my own brain?

yes

but do I look in the mirror and see a “sick” person?

No

absolutely not.

I am going to maintain this position that I keep stating

Our brains are DIFFERENT

not sick

But these difference cause problems in certain times and places and conglomering loops of crap

My brain is different

My brain has a condition

My brain may even be “disordered”

But My brain is not sick

I’m gonna go crazy here and say that in some ways I think my brain is fucking awesome

and I love it

I’m not like other people

I think differently

see differently

my relationship with music

and words

and colors

and light

and emotions

and love

and beauty

is not like anyone else’s I know

I don’t look at life like anyone else I know

And that doesn’t mean that I am okay with being bludgeoned by Bipolar into hating myself and hurting myself and wanting the end

Not AT ALL

sure you can call THAT sick

but I’m not willing to be called sick

call ME different

because whatever it is that is “wrong” with me…

whatever mechanisms go awry and wreak their havoc..

may also be the things that flip around and wreak their magic

and make me Me

and maybe this makes no sense

maybe it isn’t fair

maybe I’m just bristling about the language

maybe I’m in denial and unhappy to be “mentally ill”

maybe I just don’t like the reality that…

I have a sick brain

Maybe I shouldn’t be saying all of this

But I am going to

Because I don’t want that word attached to me or my brain

I’m not sick

I’m not ill

I am neurologically DIFFERENT

it makes me awesome

and it fucks me over

and gives me episodes of true “illness”

But don’t call me ill

I don’t feel mentally ill

I do feel like my brain is different

We need to start embracing neurodiversity

and stop hammering this ill crap

although I will also admit that I think it is necessary in order to get a certain point across to certain normies and certain parts of society

but at the same time I’m going to keep saying it

Don’t call me ill

and don’t you dare call my amazing miraculous fragile but badass brain

SICK

ew

I don’t even love the term Bipolar Disorder

well obviously

it would be a weird thing to “love”

my new idea for a term that works better is….

Manic Depressive Condition

MDC

as in I have MDC

It makes a lot more sense than stupid Bipolar (although it sounds less sexy)

as if there were these poles and this two nonsense

but yeah manic…mania…yeah I get that.  Those are actually some of my favorite words for what we it means…

mania

mania

manic

i’m manic

it feels right to me

sounds right

depression?

not as much

not so much

it may be different if society as a whole didn’t use “depressed” to apply to every situation under the sun…”He didn’t call me back..I’m so depressed.”… “My dog died..I’m so depressed.”… “Starbucks is out of soy milk..I’m so depressed”…

and I find “condition” to be a lot LESS annoying

a lot less um what’s the word I’m looking for….???

Oh I don’t know fuck it

those illness and defective disordery type words make me feel icky

losery

broken

um I guess…SICKLY

and I’m not that

Not at all

so take that sickness language

and

save it for the depression blow outs

and appreciate a little neurodiversity

because that is what we are

diverse

different

different wiring in the brain that sometimes flip flops itself into making me “sick”

but That kind of language may help other people have more compassion for us

but it disempowers us

because the image of sick people

is not true to what we are

we know that

we should know that

My brain isn’t sick

it is my brain

and I love it

so there

 

 

 

 

 

15 comments

Add Yours
  1. hubby1974

    I like this alot. I know you acknowledge that it just about language, but if the words disempower, then it’s a problem. How’s this?: BP is a brain condition that can cause episodes of ‘sickness’, commonly depression or mania.
    Thanks for the reblog! This really gave a boost to a fairly stressful day.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. darie73

    It’s a Catch 22. I hate when people find out I have Bipolar Disorder and suddenly start speaking louder and slower. If I cry it’s automatically because I didn’t take my meds. If I get irritated it’s because I didn’t take my meds. If my family doesn’t see me as “sick” or “ill” then they think there is nothing wrong with me and I should be functioning like a “normal” person. No matter what the Doctors say or what they read. I was threatened with having the police called on me the other day because I was crying too much. My sister said she would tell them I am a threat to myself and others. This is my biggest fear. It is the anniversary of my mother’s death and I had just found my dog in a puddle of blood which I landed in. I think I had a right to cry. You can’t win. My brother in law puts me in another class called “you people”. What exactly does that mean? Crazy? Redheads? Awesome? I hate “you people” more than anything else.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Andy Smart

    Clicking ‘like’ is never enough > You should write your own book you know Claya > you have a real expressive fluency about you. Labelling is the worst. How can anyone generalise people under one umbrella with such thoughtlessness. I mean I am labelled as having social anxiety disorder or SAD > I mean come onnnnnnn! What wanker thought that one up. Certainly no one with any knowledge of it. Blaaaaagh! Actually I did CBT and my ‘condition’ plummeted after I was labelled.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarfirst

      Thank you so much for this. I think it would be cool to write a book…..daunting idea though as I’ve no real clue how it works. I didn’t know I liked to write until I started this blog. It has been amazing fun for me.

      And yes SAD is pretty bad and I think you actually share that with Seasonal Affective Disorder so it isn’t even your own ha.

      I go all around on this blog because I don’t believe that anything is either or…sometimes too many contradictory ideas abound and that is the world.

      here is one where I play around with labels

      http://bipolarfirst.com/2016/01/04/please-tell-me-that-i-am-crazy-diagnosis/

      Thanks again for such an awesome comment. I’m enjoying your presence here.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Andy Smart

        Hiya Claya > I’m well glad what you said about me being around. I was wondering what you might think about my ramblings. Writing a book is like a seed that takes ages to come up but if you’ve got it when it comes to writing then you’ll eventually do it. I would love to eventually write a book about SA (notice lack of D) and I do have it seasonally btw but it would need to do be of help to other readers. If you start to get your head into the idea then drop by anytime Claya > I’ve got CreateSpace (Amazon self publishing) nailed down these days. Always happy to help.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Jess Melancholia

    Labels are both the best and the worst way to get a point across. I think that for us we ended up having normies label all our shit and that’s why all our terms and conditions suck. They just do. But if we don’t use those terms delegated to us than it just confuses the heck out of everyone. Sad but true. Nobody likes being labeled as ill or disordered but then that diminishes the seriousness of it all. I don’t know. I guess I’m just parroting you at this point.

    Liked by 2 people

    • bipolarfirst

      No you’re not really. You bring up really good points. It is just sort of a sucky thing. If we don’t use the language then no one will no what the freak we are talking about but the language holds us down.

      We’re in a pickle!

      shock

      Liked by 1 person

  5. dyane

    I too hate the word “sick” and phrase “mental illness” – hell, those words all make me FEEL sick, LOL!!!!!!!

    I also hate the word “bipolar” just because to my ears, it’s an ugly-sounding word. I prefer “manic depression” although that doesn’t do much for my aesthetic tastes either. There must be another word that could be used; I’m not sure what, but I just think that “bipolar” sounds wrong.

    As always, thanks for putting some pretty spectacular, evocative and insightful words to things that I often think about….empowering words that are anything but “sick” or “mentally ill” ! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. bp7o9

    Sick? No. We are outside the bell curve. That’s all. A median was devised and considered ‘normal’. We simply fit outside of that. If anything, we are more creative in our thinking and emotional responses. Screw ill.

    Like

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