I saw this on Twitter and I think it is awesome. In many ways yes.
but
ugh
(anybody read me long enough to know where this is going to go right now?)
Just one thing…
Don’t call me SICK
I just simply do not identify with the word at all.
It doesn’t feel right to me.
It doesn’t feel like me.
It is not completely untrue
I mean I am the one who has repeatedly said that depression is like the flu in the brain
And I am the one who tells people to treat me “like I’m sick” when I am super depressed.
So it isn’t that it NEVER feels right.
Yeah sure…in the depths of depression I feel ill…I feel sick
and I can see that in the heights of mania one may also say the brain is “ill” “sick”
but even with the daily Bipolar shit that I live with….
I don’t want to be called SICK on the daily
I can’t STAND the term Mentally Ill
and I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I have to use it because there isn’t another good word for the vast group of us beyond Bipolar who live with this shit.
Because I don’t feel SICK on the daily
That IS NOT HOW I SEE MYSELF
Is it easy
no
Do I have to fight for balance and wellness all the time
yes
Do I struggle against my own brain?
yes
but do I look in the mirror and see a “sick” person?
No
absolutely not.
I am going to maintain this position that I keep stating
Our brains are DIFFERENT
not sick
But these difference cause problems in certain times and places and conglomering loops of crap
My brain is different
My brain has a condition
My brain may even be “disordered”
But My brain is not sick
I’m gonna go crazy here and say that in some ways I think my brain is fucking awesome
and I love it
I’m not like other people
I think differently
see differently
my relationship with music
and words
and colors
and light
and emotions
and love
and beauty
is not like anyone else’s I know
I don’t look at life like anyone else I know
And that doesn’t mean that I am okay with being bludgeoned by Bipolar into hating myself and hurting myself and wanting the end
Not AT ALL
sure you can call THAT sick
but I’m not willing to be called sick
call ME different
because whatever it is that is “wrong” with me…
whatever mechanisms go awry and wreak their havoc..
may also be the things that flip around and wreak their magic
and make me Me
and maybe this makes no sense
maybe it isn’t fair
maybe I’m just bristling about the language
maybe I’m in denial and unhappy to be “mentally ill”
maybe I just don’t like the reality that…
I have a sick brain
Maybe I shouldn’t be saying all of this
But I am going to
Because I don’t want that word attached to me or my brain
I’m not sick
I’m not ill
I am neurologically DIFFERENT
it makes me awesome
and it fucks me over
and gives me episodes of true “illness”
But don’t call me ill
I don’t feel mentally ill
I do feel like my brain is different
We need to start embracing neurodiversity
and stop hammering this ill crap
although I will also admit that I think it is necessary in order to get a certain point across to certain normies and certain parts of society
but at the same time I’m going to keep saying it
Don’t call me ill
and don’t you dare call my amazing miraculous fragile but badass brain
SICK
ew
I don’t even love the term Bipolar Disorder
well obviously
it would be a weird thing to “love”
my new idea for a term that works better is….
Manic Depressive Condition
MDC
as in I have MDC
It makes a lot more sense than stupid Bipolar (although it sounds less sexy)
as if there were these poles and this two nonsense
but yeah manic…mania…yeah I get that. Those are actually some of my favorite words for what we it means…
mania
mania
manic
i’m manic
it feels right to me
sounds right
depression?
not as much
not so much
it may be different if society as a whole didn’t use “depressed” to apply to every situation under the sun…”He didn’t call me back..I’m so depressed.”… “My dog died..I’m so depressed.”… “Starbucks is out of soy milk..I’m so depressed”…
and I find “condition” to be a lot LESS annoying
a lot less um what’s the word I’m looking for….???
Oh I don’t know fuck it
those illness and defective disordery type words make me feel icky
losery
broken
um I guess…SICKLY
and I’m not that
Not at all
so take that sickness language
and
save it for the depression blow outs
and appreciate a little neurodiversity
because that is what we are
diverse
different
different wiring in the brain that sometimes flip flops itself into making me “sick”
but That kind of language may help other people have more compassion for us
but it disempowers us
because the image of sick people
is not true to what we are
we know that
we should know that
My brain isn’t sick
it is my brain
and I love it
so there
I like this alot. I know you acknowledge that it just about language, but if the words disempower, then it’s a problem. How’s this?: BP is a brain condition that can cause episodes of ‘sickness’, commonly depression or mania.
Thanks for the reblog! This really gave a boost to a fairly stressful day.
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Differently Awesome that’s what we are 😀
Turtle Hugs
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It’s a Catch 22. I hate when people find out I have Bipolar Disorder and suddenly start speaking louder and slower. If I cry it’s automatically because I didn’t take my meds. If I get irritated it’s because I didn’t take my meds. If my family doesn’t see me as “sick” or “ill” then they think there is nothing wrong with me and I should be functioning like a “normal” person. No matter what the Doctors say or what they read. I was threatened with having the police called on me the other day because I was crying too much. My sister said she would tell them I am a threat to myself and others. This is my biggest fear. It is the anniversary of my mother’s death and I had just found my dog in a puddle of blood which I landed in. I think I had a right to cry. You can’t win. My brother in law puts me in another class called “you people”. What exactly does that mean? Crazy? Redheads? Awesome? I hate “you people” more than anything else.
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I agree. Our brain works in mysterious and different ways you can’t just say someone has a “sick” brain.
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Clicking ‘like’ is never enough > You should write your own book you know Claya > you have a real expressive fluency about you. Labelling is the worst. How can anyone generalise people under one umbrella with such thoughtlessness. I mean I am labelled as having social anxiety disorder or SAD > I mean come onnnnnnn! What wanker thought that one up. Certainly no one with any knowledge of it. Blaaaaagh! Actually I did CBT and my ‘condition’ plummeted after I was labelled.
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Thank you so much for this. I think it would be cool to write a book…..daunting idea though as I’ve no real clue how it works. I didn’t know I liked to write until I started this blog. It has been amazing fun for me.
And yes SAD is pretty bad and I think you actually share that with Seasonal Affective Disorder so it isn’t even your own ha.
I go all around on this blog because I don’t believe that anything is either or…sometimes too many contradictory ideas abound and that is the world.
here is one where I play around with labels
http://bipolarfirst.com/2016/01/04/please-tell-me-that-i-am-crazy-diagnosis/
Thanks again for such an awesome comment. I’m enjoying your presence here.
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Hiya Claya > I’m well glad what you said about me being around. I was wondering what you might think about my ramblings. Writing a book is like a seed that takes ages to come up but if you’ve got it when it comes to writing then you’ll eventually do it. I would love to eventually write a book about SA (notice lack of D) and I do have it seasonally btw but it would need to do be of help to other readers. If you start to get your head into the idea then drop by anytime Claya > I’ve got CreateSpace (Amazon self publishing) nailed down these days. Always happy to help.
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too too kind. Thank you.
we Bipolars are master ramblers. No one will even notice that you are rambling. 🙂
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Labels are both the best and the worst way to get a point across. I think that for us we ended up having normies label all our shit and that’s why all our terms and conditions suck. They just do. But if we don’t use those terms delegated to us than it just confuses the heck out of everyone. Sad but true. Nobody likes being labeled as ill or disordered but then that diminishes the seriousness of it all. I don’t know. I guess I’m just parroting you at this point.
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No you’re not really. You bring up really good points. It is just sort of a sucky thing. If we don’t use the language then no one will no what the freak we are talking about but the language holds us down.
We’re in a pickle!
shock
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I too hate the word “sick” and phrase “mental illness” – hell, those words all make me FEEL sick, LOL!!!!!!!
I also hate the word “bipolar” just because to my ears, it’s an ugly-sounding word. I prefer “manic depression” although that doesn’t do much for my aesthetic tastes either. There must be another word that could be used; I’m not sure what, but I just think that “bipolar” sounds wrong.
As always, thanks for putting some pretty spectacular, evocative and insightful words to things that I often think about….empowering words that are anything but “sick” or “mentally ill” ! 😉
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HA love it! Thank you and you’re welcome. Yeah THESE words ARE NOT ILL.
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Sick? No. We are outside the bell curve. That’s all. A median was devised and considered ‘normal’. We simply fit outside of that. If anything, we are more creative in our thinking and emotional responses. Screw ill.
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yes! this and this. thanks for sharing
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🙂
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