click here for friends series intro
With this friend it was love at first sight
Or at least like at first site
I didn’t know when I hired her to work with me that we would talk almost every single day for the next decade
and that I would fall madly in friendLove with her.
In the interview she seemed slightly reserved
Perhaps because I hit her with my bubbliest wackiest best…a technique I used in interviews in order to be sure people could handle it.
Um yeah… she could…and can
She answered everything perfectly
But she got me when I asked how friends would describe her and she cracked a smile and said…
“I can be pretty dorky”
We said goodbye and I watched her walk out the door
I flew into my supervisor’s office and demanded she call her right away and make the offer
The supervisor pushed back on me saying she was not sure (she later thanked me for being right over and over…of course i was right…puhlease.)
But I would not be denied
“No she’s the one that I want. I’ve got to have her.”
Now this was a job that is basically like living on top of each other all day every day
And yet for some reason we still talked on the phone on the way to work and on our ways home from work and in the evening and…..
This gal more than anyone I know shares my gift of the gab…in fact it is very possible that she beats me. Yeah. She does.
And this is good because 95% of our friendship has been phone based.
We share a love of goofy behavior, inappropriate dorky humor,
Some of our psychological baggage looks the same
We both are extremely emotionally reflective
and we both view constant talking as a form of entertainment, stress relief, therapy and also just a way of life
and we can both make a short story long
Once I exceeded my phone usage limits by over 1000 minutes
ALL to This Friend
In the beginning I tried to maintain a professional distance
But then after a certain car ride to a conference I realized that we were in friendLove
That this was a real thing
That I was going to keep her
That she was going to be a part of my life
This woman is without a doubt one of the most hardworking, generous, kind hearted, positive people that I know.
Whether it is a meal for 45 people or a dispute between her staff or her own psychological baggage….she moves that shit forward, always positive, rarely looking back, hardly a complaint.
She is a get it done kind of girl
A make it happen kind of girl
She is a master at taking ideas and bringing them into the real world
preBipolarFirst she enthusiastically insisted that I should put my ideas out there
She is about action, motion, moving forward
She gets stuff done, she get’s it done well, and she gets it done fast.
She is a tornado of productivity
One of those magical people who not only has great ideas but also flawless execution.
This part of her personality was the perfect match for me when we worked together as I tend to be all talk and all ideas…all motivation gone before anything has ever reached sustainable completion.
And she rocks it in emotional conversations in which you are looking for reassurance or answers or guidance. She is the one who when I say “Tell me what you think I should do”…just goes for it and tells me. Ha
Once this part of her personality made it hard for me to share my Bipolar and made me feel like she didn’t get it…
And she didn’t
I also held back from telling her everything
Because she wanted to fix it…
because she loves me.
but we all know that it doesn’t work like that
But one of the most amazing things about her is that when I called her out for not being supportive (in a probably impassioned and critical way. I was pretty messed up)…
Her response contained not one single ounce of defensiveness
I was actually stunned at the open hearted, gentle spirited, super apologetic, egoless, insanely mature way she opened her arms and heart to me after that email.
Especially since after a similar email to another friend I received the response that she couldn’t even read the email because she was too busy…..That was all the answer I needed there. Ehem.
And this poor girl read that email in the waiting room waiting for her prenatal checkup at which the doctors were concerned about her elevated blood pressure…and she had to tell them that she had just received an intense email…
She didn’t even tell me this until recently not wanting to make me feel bad.
And you know what
Ever since that email she has done her damndest…her very best…to listen and hear and understand that she doesn’t understand.
She wants to know and understand as much as she can
And she wants to support me the best she possibly can.
She reads this blog and she dialogues about it with me….pointing out something that struck her here…apologizing for something there (not my intention!)
And I think she uses it to check up on me…as in “Um hey…you’ve posted a lot about depression recently are you um kinda feeling that place?”
She checks up on me consistently.
Almost every time we talk she asks… “So how are you feeling?” and she means “Tell me about the Bipolar” and she actually wants to hear my honest answer.
She actually wants to know.
And then she actually talks to me about it.
Some people may not like being checked up on.
I love it. I feel seen and known and safe.
And I appreciate that the Bipolar is just always on the table…not some scary special “thing” or an annoying “why this again” intrusion….but just a part of our relationship part of our life as friends…
The conversation is always open.
I don’t ever have to open it.
And that is such a gift
And when I became angered with her and froze her out for “not getting it” during some manic business her response was to send me a text apologizing and saying she wanted to support me however I needed it.
Once again I was stunned (when I came to and realized she was totally right and obviously apologized profusely. I’m sorry!) that she is so patient and forgiving and able to withstand my shit and never take it personally (well if she does she doesn’t tell me).
We have a super rich history together… both of us pulling each other up and holding each other’s hands through all sorts of life shit and somehow laughing through it all.
And I was totally right about her by the way
While I have since dropped out of that career path, she has rocked and rolled her way to the top. She has a real gift for it…a bunch of gifts for it actually.
And I take all the credit….ha Totally kidding. She works her ass off and then some. And has overcome a lot of obstacles of her own…..
And I’ve had the privilege of being there for her.
Her voice her words…on the other end of the phone line
keeps me sane
I thank my all of my lucky and unlucky stars she needed a job right then and there and walked into my life….
Best Hire EVER. Hands down.