You’re Not Hot enough to be Crazy-Bipolar Women and the pressure to look good

 

I was watching a TV show last night in which a man said to a woman…

“You’re not hot enough to be crazy”

The implication was not that hotness is listed in the DSM as a defining characteristic of being crazy…

no

the implication was that crazy is only tolerable in an attractive woman.

a “hot” woman

now this man was smack you in the face obviously supposed to be a dickwad

and it wasn’t a romantic situation

but it struck me anyway

especially because it came on the heels of an interesting (as usual) conversation I had with another Bipolar woman.

and it was about this idea

it was us asking this question

is crazy more tolerable from attractive well put together woman.

Is that what society thinks?

So then to hear this line in this show just kind of saying it….

well it made me want to think about it

so here I am thinking about it.

So is this like A Thing?

I’m not a man so I don’t know if they have some standards for how much crazy they will deal with according to how pretty the girl is.

Are they willing to deal with the crazy if they get pretty out of it?

and what about the rest of society….what about in a more general sense?

is this how it goes?

“She’s nuts but she’s adorable”

so it’s endearing

“She’s a crazy bitch but look at that ass”

like it’s worth it?

it’s worth dealing with the crazy?

there is a compensation

and somehow a fair amount of attractiveness cancels out a fair amount of crazy….

especially when that attractiveness is brought about or combined with a level of maintenance that makes a woman look….

“put together”

It all makes sense in a way given that the world likes pretty people

it just IS that way

So yeah…

maybe you get a pass of some sort

when you’re hot

maybe you can even be hot “enough” that people will accept your crazy

maybe you can be hot enough that people may find your crazy

cute

endearing

fun?

 

Crazy without Cute is just…..

Crazy

 

And Crazy is a huge pain in the ass

 

Once as a child……… maybe 8 years old?….

I went to school with my hair in pigtails

Proud was I of the glorious silky tails and cutesy feminine bows…

I was a small woman child

already attaching importance to my appearance in a way I am certain the second grade gentlemen did not.

And I felt pretty and adorable

and I liked it….

but the point of telling you this is that on this particular day…..

I didn’t do my math homework….

and I was singled out and told off a bit…

I was embarrassed and shamed and all of that

and my first thought was….

da da DA!

At least I look good.

 

For some reason this story (and tons more like it) feels relevant to this post.

 

and For some reason it feels relevant to the rest of my years following….

my years as a woman

my years as a Bipolar Woman

because where does this idea of…

“You’re not hot enough to be crazy”

put all of us “Crazy” women

perhaps many of you do not relate to this issue

but I know that many of you do

how are we supposed to deal with this?

how DO we deal with this?

is it by freaking out about our appearance?

every pound

every wrinkle

Do we feel DOUBLE the responsibility to “look good”?

one…because we are a woman

and

two….because we’re starting behind…we’re already at a loss….

because we’re damaged goods…

we are already NOT WORTH IT

and we damn well better AT LEAST…

be nice to look at

 

Like if you’re going to screw up and be Bipolar you need to at least be pretty.

throw the world that bone

Pull yourself together

dress cute

be cute

fix your face

and don’t eat

and maybe we’ll let the crazy slide

and

Maybe we will say……

Oh yeah that girl is Bipolar…..

BUT 

(incredulously)

isn’t she pretty?